The Memoirs of Guybrush Threepwood- The Monkey Island Years

Liam Harper

Part 5: Elain Kicks Butt

The harmless root beer fizzed and bubbled inside the bottle as Elaine shook it and decided what to do. LeChuck stood frozen with a look of fear on his face. The skeleton crew rattled noisily as their bones shook. I swung precariously above the lava flow. Elaine suddenly threw the glass bottle towards the ghost priest who stood silently in the corner, the staff still in his hand. All eyes in the room followed its path as it hurtled towards the priest. The priest staggered backwards as the bottle shattered on his head and root beer soaked the staff, which then began to spark and flash. The priest continued to fall backwards and hit the skeletons holding me. All four of us toppled toward the river of lava.
"No!" I squealed as I fell once again toward a fiery death.
"Guybrush!" yelled Elaine.
But just then, a log flume raft came sailing down the river just in time to catch me and carry me safely from the church while the priest and two skeletons burned up in the river. LeChuck meanwhile writhed in agony as bolt of lightening jumped between him and the malfunctioning staff and coursed over his body. Elaine stood watching, helpless. LeChuck was lit by a bright blue glow and began to scream. With a flash he was sucked into the Netherworld that is Big Whoop and all that was left was the fading echo of his scream of pain. The golden staff clattered noisily to the floor. All was silent. Elaine sighed with relief and stooped to pick up the staff. As she looked up she was reminded of the skeletal crew before her, all very angry. She gave a weak smile before turning and running from the church, grabbing Timmy on the way past, closely followed by the skeletons. I, meanwhile, climbed from the raft and landed safely on the shore of the lava river, not far from the church, just in time to see Elaine running down from the doorway.
"What happen-" I began, before noticing the horde of mad skeletons.
Without stopping, Elaine cried, "Run!" and ran past me, dropping Timmy into my arms. I stood for a moment, gaping at Timmy, then turned and followed. Only then did I realise we were running in the wrong direction - away from the beach.
"Elaine!" I called. But she wouldn't stop.
Soon, the Gigantic Monkey Head hole opened before us again.
"Oh no," I groaned to myself.
Elaine skidded to a halt just before the edge and said, "Give me Timmy!" I handed Timmy over, who seemed fine. "Now," she said, "you go one way, I'll go the other. We'll try and lose them."
With that, she took off again down into the hole and to the left passage. I glanced back quickly to see our pursuers emerging from the jungle before making my way down the right tunnel. Every last one of the skeletons followed me down the right passage and not one chased Elaine down the other. At least Timmy will be safe, I thought. I ran for a while taking as many turns as possible to shake off the skeletons. I managed to get a good head start but they still followed. As I delved further into the depths of Monkey Island it grew darker. Soon I could see and hear almost nothing. It seemed I had lost the tail. Just then I stumbled and fell to the rocky floor. As I landed I felt a cool thing touch my hand. I picked it up and felt it was a small metal ring. I slipped it on my finger and it fitted perfectly. As I got back to my feet, the skeleton crew came round the corner at a great speed. I gasped and froze. But they passed right by! Not one stopped or even glanced in my direction. I stood in amazement as they ran into the distance and turned a corner, out of sight. I looked down at myself and… I wasn't there! Although it was quite dark, I would normally have been able to see my own body.
Suddenly, the ring felt heavy on my finger and I removed it. As I did, I sprang back into view! Wow! I thought. This must have some curse on it! I slipped the ring back on and vanished again before making my way back to the surface. Just as I began to leave the darker area I heard a cry from deep within the catacombs: "My preciouss!"
This made a shiver run down my spine and I picked up my pace, thinking what a cheap rip-off that last part was*.
Meanwhile, Elaine came to a stop when she realised there was no one chasing her. Timmy began to cry softly. She dropped the staff and held Timmy close.
"Shh!" she said. "It's okay Timmy, I'm here now!" Just then I came round the corner and saw them both. I removed the ring again and popped into view.
"Elaine," I said. "Let's get out of here! I know the way to the cannibals' village."
Elaine gave Timmy to me and lifted the staff again. We began to head in the village direction.
"Hey," I said, remembering the ring. "Look what I found." I raised my hand to show Elaine but it was gone.
"What?" asked Elaine, puzzled.
"Hmm… nothing," I replied.
Eventually, we reached the cannibals' village, emerging right from the middle of Lemonhead's feast as guests screeched and gasped.
"What's this?" cried Lemonhead, spotting us emerging from the tunnel. "Oh, you guys." He sighed.
"No time to waste," I said. "I think we've got a host of evils chasing us!"
"Do you have a way of getting us out of here?" asked Elaine.
Lemonhead was silent.
"We need help!" I cried.
Lemonhead hesitated still. "Oh, all right! But this is the last time I do you a favour, Threepwood! Follow me."
He led us to the back of the village clearing and pulled back a tall bush. There, in a small harbour, was a large ship, ready to sail.
"Get on board and don't look back," sighed Lemonhead. He patted the ship lovingly. "Please don't harm her," he sniffed.
We got on quickly and sailed from dock just as the horde of skeletons emerged from the tunnel. As the village drifted from sight we could see a small battle ensuing between the cannibals and the skeletons.
At last, we were free. We sailed from Monkey Island for the last time ever with everyone safe and sound. We put Timmy to sleep and settled on the deck.
"That's the last adventure we go on… ever!" said Elaine.
"What exactly happened to LeChuck?" I asked.
"I guess he was transported to the never-ending realm of infinite pain and torture also known as Big Whoop," replied Elaine.
"Good guess," I said.
Just then, the golden staff from the voodoo shrine, which was dumped and forgotten on the deck, began to shudder and shake. Sparks flew and lightening began to ripple about it again. LeChuck's scream began to fade back into hearing. I jumped up and grabbed the staff before depositing it in the nearest chest. I snapped it shut and locked it then hurled it overboard, into the Caribbean Sea. Elaine and I watched as the chest faded into the depths and out of sight. Just as we turned to return to out seats, the area where the chest went down was lit rapidly by flashes of white and blue light, followed by several bubbles rippling the surface.
As we sailed happily towards Mêlée, the sunset before us causing a million glittering waves on the sea, I said, "That's the last of LeChuck."
How wrong I was.

*If you don't understand this part, I suggest you read The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien.