The Memoirs of Guybrush Threepwood- The Monkey Island Years

Liam Harper

Part 2: Return to Monkey Island

Monkey Island. Once a mysterious and legendary island with an unknown location, until I found it and rescued Elaine. It was then turned into the Carnival of the Damned, or Big Whoop, by LeChuck, a place in which I spent a long time as a young boy, unaware that I was trapped by LeChuck's evil curse. After finally escaping and rescuing Elaine once again from the clutches of LeChuck I vowed I would never return to that Heckhole. Unfortunately, in a bid to rid the world of me altogether, LeChuck and Ozzie Mandrill dumped me on the shores of Monkey Island yet again. Now, after escaping from Monkey Island for the last time, I discover I must return there and retrieve a part of a powerfully cursed shrine from the First Church of LeChuck, Orthodox.
"LeChuck has put a powerful curse on this shrine," the Voodoo Lady told me. "He has embedded all his voodoo power in it in case it was ever needed in the future. It is located in the First Church of LeChuck on Monkey Island. You must find this shrine… it is the only way to put an end to LeChuck for good."
Before gathering a crew and setting sail for Monkey Island, I found a teddy bear of Timmy's to give to the Voodoo Lady. When I returned to Scabb, she continued to explain: "With this bear I will be able to pinpoint Timmy's location. As long as LeChuck stays away from Monkey Island and the voodoo shrine, he will not be able to transfer himself, in his current voodoo spirit form, a form in which he can touch nothing and use no voodoo power, into another host."
"Host?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"I'm afraid LeChuck is planning to use Timmy's body to host his spirit," the Voodoo Lady went on. "This way, he will have a brand new, young and healthy body. By the time he is old enough to return to his full power, you will be no problem to him. I assume he then plans to capture Elaine and make her his eternal bride in the realm of Big Whoop, where age and time have no meaning."
"Wow!" I said. "Good guessing… But why is it so important that LeChuck stays away from Monkey Island?"
"The voodoo shrine on Monkey Island, the one we must use to banish LeChuck from this world forever, is the very same one which holds the power he needs to transfer his spirit," said the Voodoo Lady. "It is imperative that you find the shrine before LeChuck does."
With that, I left Scabb Island and made my way back to Mêlée. This was always the best place to assemble a crew. My first stop was the SCUMM Bar, which was as busy as ever. Spotting a hardy looking pirate in a dark corner, I approached him and sat down. He looked up from his drink.
"What d'ya want?" he growled. I noticed he had a large scar down one side of his face, across one eye, which was covered with a patch. He took a fat cigar from his mouth. "Well?" he said impatiently.
"Smirk?" I said.
"What?" came the reply.
"Captain Smirk!" I said. "You are Captain Smirk, aren't you?"
The man was silent for a while. "Mmm. I used to go by that name," he grumbled eventually. "Who are you, you maggot?"
"It's me, Guybrush Threepwood!" I cried. "Don't you remember me?"
"Oh God… how could I forget a name like that?" he sighed. "Look, Thripweed, whaddaya want?"
"Threepwood!" I snapped. He mumbled something under his breath. "What have you been up to in the past few years?"
"I was forced to leave Mêlée when that no-good, cheating wombat, Ozzie Mandrill, snatched my place from right under my nose," said Smirk. "I spent months moving from island to island, challenging anyone to sword fights just to feed myself. When I heard LeChuck killed the dirty rat I moved back here. Now I live here, in the SCUMM Bar. The chef doesn't seem to mind, but I wish I could get back on the sea. I feel like a monkey in a cage here."
"Perfect!" I said. "How about an adventure to Monkey Island? Be part of my ever-expanding crew, Smirk."
"Monkey Island? The legendary Monkey Island?" asked Smirk. He appeared to be considering my offer. "Hold on, isn't that the same island that some fool, Garfield Tripehood I think was his name, went on some voyage to and never returned?"
"Er… no, no!" I laughed. "That was…er…Dinky Island. Completely different area."
Smirk was silent again.
"Well, why not?" he said. "I'm just rotting away here. Where and when?"
"The shipyard in an hour," I said.
One down, several more to go. Next I went into town. There was always a down-and-out or two in town who was as ready for adventure as the next pirate. As I passed under the arch and began to turn the corner, I saw three characters sitting quietly in the far corner, one on a barrel and one talking to a rat. I approached them with a smile.
"Hi guys, it's me!" I said in a cheery voice. They all looked up.
"Oh no…"
"What the…?"
"God help us!" were the replies.
It was the three men of low moral fibre, commonly known as pirates, that I met on my first visit to Mêlée.
"What you guys been up to?" I questioned. "Didn't I last see you on Scabb?"
"Yes, you did," replied one. "I wish we'd stayed there."
"How about we just go now?" asked another.
"Yeah," said the first. He was about to get up when I spoke.
"Come with me to Monkey Island," I said.
"What?" asked the second pirate.
"Why?" asked the first.
"Treasure!" I blurted out. "We're going to find buried treasure."
The pirates' eyes lit up.
"Treasure, huh?" one asked.
"Yes," I said excitedly. "Lots of treasure."
It didn't take long to convince them to join my crew, with promises of riches beyond their wildest dreams. By the time I had been round the whole of Mêlée, I had rounded up enough men to make my crew. We all met at the shipyard at 11 o'clock. I was glad to see Smirk there. We all gathered before the Fair Lady.
"Where's our ship?" yelled a voice from the crowd.
"This better not be it!" cried another.
"W- well," I stuttered. "This is our ship."
This was met with groans and moans from everyone.
"Where's the captain?" asked Smirk, speaking for the first time since the SCUMM Bar.
"I'm the captain!" I exclaimed. "Didn't I make that clear?!"
"You?" cried someone. "You look like a flooring inspector to me!"
I sighed deeply.
Within hours Mêlée was out of sight and the vast Caribbean stretched before us. Before heading to Monkey Island, I made one last visit to the Voodoo Lady on Scabb.
"Bad news, Guybrush," she told me.
"How bad?" I asked.
"It appears LeChuck is headed for Monkey Island with Timmy," said the Voodoo Lady. "We must assume he is planning to use the voodoo shrine very soon."
"I have a crew ready and I'm heading for Monkey Island now," I said.
"Remember," said the Voodoo Lady. "Prevent LeChuck from laying his hands on the shrine at all costs, then bring it back here. I will prepare the spell."
Finally, the Fair Lady departed from Scabb Island on course for Monkey Island. Thinking about my past experiences, I couldn't help feeling this was the biggest mistake I would ever make.

* * * * *

While my crew worked hard on the deck, I was busy in the galley, readying the voodoo potion that would direct us to Monkey Island. Looking at the list I had kept since my journey on the Sea Monkey I gathered the ingredients.
"And finally, cinnamon sticks," I said, dropping the last ingredient into the large cooking pot. With a loud bang and a burst of smoke, a familiar smell entered my nose, stinging my eyes as I passed out.
When I awoke, I rushed up to the deck to find Smirk, alone. He was looking out to sea. The rest of the ship was empty.
"Where is everybody?" I asked. Smirk spun round.
"Oh, you're alive," he said.
"Of course I'm alive!" I cried. "Where is everybody?"
"While you've been snoozing downstairs, we've all been working our butts off up here, thanks very much," said Smirk.
"I had to make that potion," I insisted. "It is the only way to get to Monkey Island!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Smirk. "We spent days navigating the Caribbean to get here. No voodoo potion brought us here! Anyway, the rest of the crew got bored waiting for you to wake up and took the lifeboats to Monkey Island."
"But I always thought the voodoo…" I stopped as a dreadful sight caught my eye. It sent a shudder through my body and made me feel like diving into the sea and heading in the other direction as quickly as possible.
"HOLY MONKEY BLADDERS!" I cried. "It's Monkey Island!"
"Yeah," said Smirk, turning to look at the vast island. "Gives me the creeps…"
"Are you coming?" I asked him. He gazed at Monkey Island for a few moments.
"I'll, uh… keep an eye on the ship…" he said unconvincingly.
After performing a certain, painfully familiar, human-cannonball trick, I found myself once again on the banana-tree beach at the south end of the island. I dusted myself off and prepared for the worst as I entered the gloomy jungle of Monkey Island.