The Brothers of Monkey Island

Chapter:

THE BROTHERS OF
MONKEY
ISLAND

The Beginning...no really, this is the VERY beginning! I'm about to explain an awful lot of the plot holes in the MI games, and I suggest that if you don't have them or haven't played them, DO SO NOW! BUY THEM ALL! IF NOT, TURN BACK!!! TUUURN BAAACK! Just kidding, I have something for everyone, 'cuz I'm just THAT good. Praise me! Huzzah!

Copyright: I own every bit of this, it's all mine, muahhaha!

Part 1:
Sibling Hatery

Deep in the Caribbean...when it's actually daytime for once! An almost 18 year-old Guybrush wearing a really nice, soft leather trench- coat with gold buttons on the front, giving him an all-round 'snazzy' look, runs as fast as he can onto the deck of his new ship and looks around all happy. Well, it wasn't his really...

"C'MOOOON, Chucky! We're gonna be late!"

"Hold your freaking seahorses, Guybrush," replied his older brother, looking the same as always (only in flesh and blood and breathing) carrying a heavy, heavy load of bags, suitcases, rubber duckies, robot bees and anything else you might need on a pirate adventure. "I'm almost there."

Wow! Bet ya didn't see that coming, did ya!? Alright, yes you did, admit it. He's alive though, so relax. Relax some more. Yeah, right there. Hooold it.good!

While the actually skilled pirate crew made ready the sails and booster seats of the actually nice ship, the two genetically-related people (I got tired of saying "brothers") looked at the horizon over the sea. It was neat and all sparkly and stuff.

"Our first adventure!" says the enthusiastic and well-dressed Guybrush.

"With you, little brother, it should be anything but boring."

"Awww...wait...what?"

"Nothing."...

"I love you man."

"Watch what you say, twerp, I'm doing this to impress a certain someone after all."

Guybrush looked up at him a bit confused.

"Not you, you peg-necked undergraduate!"

"Awww, that's so sweet!...I'm hungry, what's for dinner?"

THREE DAYS LATER.

There was a horrible storm of doom! Oh no! It involved lots and lots of cowardly clowns and ninja llamas fighting with horrible demon monkeys! Plus lots of wonderfully rendered action and magic! But I won't bore you with that. The REALLY interesting thing was going on up at the crows nest...

Guybrush is trying to climb up the rope ladder to reach Chucky (who IS still alive, and now speaks fluent and nothing but pirate) and trying to shoot Guybrush with a voodoo talisman of some sort of funky curse of voodoo-ness. Yikes!

Chucky, "You yellow-bellied, sissified sea urchin!"

Guybrush, "I wouldn't insult you if I were me!"

Chucky, "Yeah, well...er, wait, what?"

Guybrush, "Ha! Gotcha that time!"

"No ya didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't!"

"Well I did!"

"...What?"

"Exactly! HAHA, I got you again!"

"Arrr!"

With a mighty piraty cry, Chucky lets loose another shot from his talisman which, luckily for Guybrush, misses him, but unluckily for the film crew, hits the camera guy dead-on.

Camera guy, "Ahhhh!-grblsjhsf..."

Guybrush, "...Ewwww, you turned him inside-out!"

Chucky, "Yeah, well...serves him right...I guess...his.angles needed work anyway! He had it comin'!.He DID!"

"Lemme fix the lens cap..." Guybrush grabs and "fixes" the lens, all we can see is his hand until he lets go, and the whole scene is...upside down?"

"There! I fixed it!"

"No ya didn't! WOAAAHHH!!!"

Though I would like to say that Chucky screamed for no reason at all, there was, in fact, validity to his freaking out. Since whatever your see on T.V. is 100% true to life, gravity itself is reversed, and so the two start hurtling towards the stratosphere, all thanks to a little camera lens. Nifty, yes?

"EEEEEEEK! NOT AGAIN!" Screams a terrified Guybrush, waving his arms not too unlike a chicken.

"This is all yer fault, ya pencil-necked.freak!" Yells back the massive pirate, trying his best to appear macho and in control as he flies out to space.

Guybrush (All self conscious) "Hey, that hurts."

"Well it IS yer fault, you were the one who-"

"Hold up one second. Don't you think the audience would like to know what's going on? Why we have neat voodoo thingies? Why we're fighting each other? And why we have ninja llamas and clowns are fighting demon monkeys on our deck?"

Chucky looks at the camera. "No." Then he is handed a piece of paper from off the screen. He reads, "Why...yes...Guybrush, I would indeed. Wait, ninja llamas are fighting on our deck?"

"Shhh! I'll tell this part!"

"This whole mess began with us, two innocent little kids, fighting for our lives in a carnival filled with space-time rips, and our unfortunate parents who-"

"Guybrush! Just start from our voyage! No one wants to hear THAT one again!"

"Oh, sorry...it all started when-" the screen starts to go all wiggly, "Woohoo! Flashback! Anyway, after another rousing game of checkers, which my "brother" here lost..."

"Did not!"

"Shush! I'm telling the story!"

We are brought to the ships hull, the night after setting sail, where Guybrush and Chucky are playing...uh, checkers?

Guybrush is about to roll some dice, "Come-ooooon seventeen!" He rolls. "Huzzah!"

Chucky is on top of a pole, balancing by his head. "No, that's four, Guy."

Guybrush, "Awww, toothpaste!" He folds his arms and looks all upset in his immature, kid way.

"Come on, you know the rules!"

"Ooohhh, fine..." He goes over to a pot of boiling water, looks back at Chucky, (who has surprisingly good balance and now a pleased expression on his face) grabs the handles of the pot, dunks his head into it, screams, ('Cuz it was HOT!), runs in a circle about six or seven times, grabs a wooden spoon and hits the pot as hard as he can.

He takes the still-vibrating pot off his head, himself shaking like mad, and sits back down. "Y-y-y-y-y-our-r-r-r-r tur-r-r-r-rn-n-n-n- n..." Chucky suddenly has the dice (...?) and shakes them up. He rolls and they bounce off of Guybrush's head, then land on snake eyes.

Chucky, "WHAT?! THAT CAN'T BE! NO FAIR, YOU CHEATED!"

"Y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-o-o-u-u-u-u l-l-l-o-o-o-s-s-s-e!" He hits himself again with the spoon, making the shaking stop. "I win! I WIN! I actually WIN!"

While our lovable hero gloats over his victory, Chucky hops/falls off the pole, and looms behind Guybrush. Uh-oh...

"I win, I win! Who won?! ME-GAH!"

Chucky had grabbed Guybrush by the throat, (hence the "GAH" ) and was holding him up an impressive distance above the ground. This is sort of bad and stuff. Seems like they could use family counseling!

Chucky, "You little FREAK! NO ONE beats ME! I'll teach you how to play fair!"

Guybrush, "Gh-ack-grgle!" Translation, "No, please! Not the face! It's my best feature!"

Chucky, "I'll assume that was something wimpy and pummel you even harder for it." He pulls back his fist, more than ready to beat the one in his family who got the good looks, when-The ship takes massive impact, throwing them across the hull! Guybrush is crushed under his brother's massive girth. Seriously, he weighs like 275 pounds!

One of the crewmen pokes his head in, a bit shaky from the impact, but also from embarrassment. "Uh, captain? Sir? <ahem> L- land...hit." He then looks at the two, and, flustered at the horribly BAD innuendo, stutters, "Oh-oh gosh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-uh- interrupt!" He then bolts out of the hull, shouting orders to get up on land. Chucky gets up off his brother, all anger forgotten.

Chucky, "Now what's gotten into him?" Guybrush simply shrugs and Chucky helps him up and then throws him back down. "Good game! I won again, of course." Guybrush looks at him all confused like.

"What? Are you sure? But...I thought-" Chucky throws him a glare making him cringe all like a bunny. "Oh-oh right yeah, o-of course, YOU won, eheheh...must've hit my head there, how silly of me...yes."

The crew makes ready the life boats, and let them down. However, conditions being as they are, when they landed, they hit beach, and all of them were whining 'cuz their backs were broken or spleens popped out or something. Babies.

Chucky and Guybrush get up on deck, and Chucky starts calling his crew a bunch of names, and yells at that one poor crewman for hitting the land instead of staying a good distance away like a good sailor, when Guybrush for the first time gazes upon a new land, untouched by anyone besides cut-throats and the occasional unfortunate castaway. The sight he saw, what a sight it was! Yep. The beautiful sky, the fluffy clouds, the aesthetically pleasing mountains...

Aw heck, it was Monkey Island. I laugh at those who didn't know that.

"Guybrush!" Bellows a chunky Chucky (heheh). "Let's get off this stinking heck hole! I mean festering flea-bag. I mean...shi-p." He turns to his crew, who by now cower at his glance. "You men...are the LOUSIEST bunch of LAME, UNPROFESSIONAL excuses for PIRATES it has ever been my DISPLEASURE to share the same PLANET with! Now GET up on SHORE, and MAKE up our CAMP! It's dark and cold outside."

"And he's afraid of the dark!" Chirps a happy Guybrush from behind him. Chucky turns slowly around to face his brother, who remains completely unaware of the embarrassment he has caused his now menacing older and much, much stronger sibling. The snickering of the crew is heard in the background.

"And he sleeps with a nightlight, so don't forget to set that up. Oh, and here's your teddy-bear, I didn't forget it like last time. Here you go!" As he hands Chucky an incredibly cute bear. Awww!

This gesture, of course, was, as far as Guybrush was concerned, purely out of the dearest love for his older brother. However, either his sub- conscious wanted desperately to get him back for almost killing him, or the fates have a mean sense of humor. Maybe it's a mix of both...

"G-Guybrush..." Chucky whispers and looks back at his now hysterically laughing crew, "Your...embarrassing me again..."

"And don't forget an extra blanket or two, he has that, you know, 'problem' once in a while. Never got over it since that nasty penguin incident. Still gives him nightmares."

Chucky is now glaring at Guybrush with utmost hatred, and turning all sorts of interesting shades of red and purple. Neat!

"Aw, it's nothing to be ashamed about, big bro! Those penguins would have scared the crud out of anyone! Yeesh, they were so evil! (Shudders)"

Even if no one was around to witness this act of..."kindness," Chucky would have beaten the snot out of Guybrush. However, in order to save face in front of his crew, his brain worked enough to make the conclusion that a simple pummeling would not be enough. Besides, Guybrush was a lot faster than he was, and if he got away as usual, it would have made things much worse. No, this takes something drastic. Keelhauling? No, they were on land. Tie him up and dress him like a girl? No, that doesn't affect him anymore. Breaking his neck?...Maybe later. How about...well, it would have to do for now.

Part 2:
Eating heroes is hazardous to your health

A few moments later, Guybrush was tied to a palm tree atop a cliff overlooking the sea below. He was dangling a mere 2 feet above the water, getting hit with the occasional wave. That wasn't what bothered Guybrush so much. What DID get to him were the sharks right underneath that were attracted by Chucky throwing in Guybrush's shoes.

"Heeeeere sharky sharky sharkyyyyy!" Called an unsympathetic Chucky. "I have a nice treat for you...Guybrush, would you stop struggling? Your scaring the fish."

"Pleeeeeease don't leave me here! Please? Pretty, PRETTY please? I'll be your best friend!"

"You're my brother! How can you be more of a friend to me?"

"I'll feed the rubber duckies! I'll clean your room for a week! I'll even dance in a tutu to old Elvis songs! Anything! Just let me go!" the dangling Guybrush sobbed at the misery of his demise.

"Now that's just not fitting for a pirate of your age, Guybrush. Most would be proud to be fed to sharks by me! Take it like a man! HAhahah!"

"But I don't WANNA be fed to sharks! Come-ooooon, lemme goooo!"

"Now that's not to considerate to the sharks, is it? They need their daily dosage of scared little wimp!"

Chucky turned to face his crew, and, seeing what he did to his own brother and the fact that they wouldn't tease him about his teddy- bear to save their own grandmothers, he turned to his profusely sweating and crying little brother one last time.

"We're off to find the treasure of Monkey Island! Maybe then, if I'm in a good mood..." he leaned in to whisper this to Guybrush, which didn't do much good because he was still quite a ways up, but he gets points for effort. "I'll let you go when we come back." (Awww, wasn't that just sweet of him? Brotherly love, the purest there is!)

"Alright, men!" He yelled, startling his crew, "We're off to make camp! Well? CHEER! We're a happy pirate crew!" At this the crew made a horribly frightened attempt to cheer. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"HUZZAH!" They cried.

"Huzzah? Well, whatever. Let's go now, we're wasting time. Follow me!" Then he thought to himself, 'I guess my pirate accent needs work.'

And so our cowardly hero was left to fend for himself with no more than a "maybe" of being let go. The sharks waited patiently, oh so patiently they did wait...but not for too long. It...or, they, popped their(?) heads out of the water, and looked Guybrush right in the eye.

"What the-"

"Shhh, not to loud!" Says one shark, who had a medium sounding voice.

"We can hear you just fine." Says another with a high-pitched voice.

"And we have a splitting headache from those beer-fish last night. Oh, the pain." Says the very deeply voiced third.

Guybrush was absolutely bewildered at this sight. A talking shark? Well, that wasn't so surprising, but what was messed-up was...

"You have three heads!"

"Shhh! We can hear you already!" says shark #1.

"Yeah, keep your voice down, will ya?" says shark #2.

"...What they said." says shark #3.

Guybrush blinks a few times at the camera. "Am I...dreaming? Or something? Because there's no WAY you can be a three-headed shark, I mean, come on. This can't be real. You have THREE heads!"

"Our mother told us-" #3

"Never to say anything not nice about someone else." #2

"Because sharks are people too." #1. All three grinned at Guybrush, showing off all those clean, white, sharp, sharp, SHARP teeth. "Well, right before she tried to eat us anyway."

Shark #2 "And we would like it very, very much, mister pencil-neck-"

"Hey!"

#1, "If you would just let yourself down and give in to us."

#3, "It would help us out an awful lot, and we promise to bit off your head first, so you won't feel any pain."

#2, "Ooh, oh! Can we watch him swim around like a chicken fish before we eat the rest?" Guybrush was starting to feel sick...

#1, "Yeah! Let's do that!"

"Hey, you guys? Humans don't-umpf-do that sort of thing..." says a green Guybrush.

They all look at him with a serious glare.

#3, "Have you ever eaten a human head?"

"Er, no, but-"

#2, "Have you ever seen a human with his head bitten off?"

"Well, not exactly-"

#1, "Well then you have nothing to say, now, DO you?" As they flip their tail at his head.

"Hmm. Well, I guess not."

#2, "All this biting off human head stuff is making me hungry. Let's just paddle up real hard, and when we bit his head off, we can chew on the entrails and..."

"Ooohhh..." Guybrush moaned as his stomach wretched at the imagery his mind was playing. He was now a light shade of purple.

#3, "And with his leg we can..."

#1, "And his arms..."

#2, "I wanna make a necklace out of his teeth!"

#1, "Wait, gentlemen-" #2 looks at #1 and gives him a growl, "and lady, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean it. You DO have very lovely eyes." Shark #2 then bats her eyes all like a lady when she's flattered. "Anyway, I think our dinner here is...spoiled."

"Oh-gmf-I'm more spoiled than you think..." says a now deep blue not- quite-pirate.

#3, "Hmm, but his shoes were sooo..."

All three lick there lips when they say, "Tasty." All of them laugh fiendishly at the thought of eating our hero. Mmmm, sort-of-pirate sushi.

#2, "Enough of this! I'm eating for three!"

#1, "Let's get him!"

Guybrush tries desperately so wiggle out of the reach of all those hungry mouths as the shark(s?) leap again and again trying to eat him. All the while Guybrush is screaming his head off, which does deter the sharks somewhat, but not much. As he wiggles, we see that the tree he is tied to bounces up and down a bit. After a bit of bouncing higher and higher up and down, Guybrush takes the impact of the DOWN part directly on his stomach, which was simply too much for his unseasoned not-yet-pirate belly to take. He hurled up all the contents within his notoriously small stomach, the imagery of which, I will not describe to you. Aren't I nice?

The three sharks, however, DID like pre-chewed food. As they dug into Guybrush's final meal, we see the tree can take only about as much stress as his tummy. It's at the verrrry tip of the cliff, barely hanging on by it's roots. Unaware of this, the protagonist lifts his head up for a second.

"Ooohhh, I'll never have tofu burger again...hey, why am I so close to...the...water?" Looking up and behind him, Guybrush sees the tree about to join him in a watery grave.

Then, a small monkey, about the size of your fist, sees a butterfly land on the tree, making it loosen a bit more, freaking out Guybrush. The monkey, however, in all it's innocence, climbs up the tree to get it. Awww, it's so cute!

"Nonononono! Go back! Shoo! Bad monkey! Skiddadle! Go away!" The monkey sees the human dangling from a rope far beneath him, and...doesn't care. He climbs up higher to get a closer look at that butterfly, which, I'll admit, IS very pretty.

"Ooohhh, this isn't my daaaay..." whines Guybrush as the tree relinquishes it's hold on the Earth a bit more... "Somehow I always knew it would end this way...hey wait, don't I get to see my life flash before my eyes or something?"

Announcer, "Low budget. Sorry."

"Of COURSE. It's all about money with you people, isn't it?!" The tree gives a bit more as a warning of it's final passing. The monkey is holding the butterfly in a most caring manner, about to get off the tree. As he walks off, the tree, held up only by the monkey's weight, slowly leans more and more off the cliff.

"WAIT! NO! COME BACK! I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! PLEASE!"

The monkey looks back for one second at the dangling person screaming "NICE MONKEY!". He seems to understand and climbs up the tree a bit more, keeping it barely in place. "Good monkey! Few! I might just live after all!" Then, the monkey looks down at Guybrush, puts his finger and thumb in the shape of an 'L' on his forehead, turns around, sticks his tail up, and...

Walks off the tree.

Guybrush screams at the TOP of his lungs, annoying the still-feasting sharks so much they come back up to the surface.

#1, "Didn't we already tell you-"

#2, "Not to be..."

#3, "So...loud?" The sharks are all looking up as the tree starts to fall. Guybrush turns to the shark with his 'this is it!' expression, and the sharks lunge at him with their 'this is dinner!' grins.

Guybrush lands deep under water, and sees the jaws of death! They fly at him with tremendous speed and are about to chomp his head off, when the tree falls and hits the sharks heads all at once, pinning them down against the sea floor. Guybrush tries to swim away, but is still tied to the tree. The sharks, in order to get out from under the tree, start ripping it apart with their teeth. Guybrush tries to cut the rope using a fairly sharp rock, but he knows he doesn't have the time. (Which is funny 'cuz he can hold his breath so long but now he doesn't have any time, hee hee...well, anyway...)

Losing hope a lot faster than his breath, he frantically looks around for a ray of hope. Oddly enough...he gets one.

A space ship flies above Guybrush and hovers there for a moment. An alien pops out the top of the space ship, holds up a megaphone to another nearby space ship and shouts, "You'll never take us alive, coppers!" The other space ship speaks through an intercom.

"Hrujf jldkasp oda, sajhfd aics kjsah oiansc!"

"What you say?" asks the confused, and apparently bandit aliens.

"*Sigh* We SAID, hrujf jldkasp oda, sajhfd aics kjsah oiansc!"

"Er, oh yeah?! Well, you fight like a cow!"

The alien then goes back into the ship and flies off, firing orange and purple polka-dotted lasers at the police space ship. The police aliens return fire, a single laser hitting a rock, bouncing off a tree, deflects off (and destroying) monkey Easter heads. This makes the chief monkey say to a his loyal monkey subjects, "oohooh ah, chee eep ook!" (This island is cursed! We must leave immediately!) All the monkeys do a monkey dance and start building a ship while the chief monkey sits on a stretcher fanned by female monkeys. Funny, but gross.

Near the beach, a vegetarian, who seems to be a gigantic lemon, (hey, you are what you eat.) puts down a basket with a sign on it saying, 'Nasty pointy things!' on the ground. He wipes his forehead (?) and says, "Whew! We are so going to win this war between our tribes with these knives and whatnots! Huzzah!" The laser then hits the basket, making it catch on fire and all it's contents fly into far out to sea. The vegetarian watches and...after a bit, turns to the camera and shrugs. "Nuts. Now we'll have to surrender to that other tribe.hope they're merciful..."

Now Guybrush was crying, fearing the end, which was slowing down it's chewing considerably, but also just about through the whole tree. He looks up one last time at the star-filled sky, then...one of the knives cuts through the water, landing just in front of his nose, and...just outside of his reach. He glares at the camera, which deserves it. We just point and laugh.

Scuttling around near Guybrush, is a crab humming "Under the water." Absently snapping it's claws to keep the beat, it spins around, completely lost in it's tune (which only needs a BIT more work) cuts the rope with one snap and FINALLY lets loose our very deserving would-be-hero.

And just in time! Guybrush swims with all his might, which is diminished from the lack of air, and, just to make his day worse, even though he might be free of the tree, his hands are still tied together. The shark(s) wiggle with all their might, getting free of the tree and coming up behind him.

Guybrush gets onto the beach with his knees, stands up and stumbles away from the water as fast as he can, which by now, ain't that fast. The shark(s) swim right up behind him and run themselves aground, and still wiggling, try to get up to Guybrush.

Exhausted, he falls onto his stomach, and is only able to turn over to breathe. He sees the shark getting really, REALLY close, but...it's only able to get a few inches from his toes. Guybrush half laughs/chokes as he realizes there is no way this fish, who was SO confident and tried SO hard, could ever reach him. The sharks were also aware of this, and growled and wiggled and tried, but it was no good.

#1, "You little...uh..." the shark could no longer talk, his mouth was full of gum!

#2, "Eh? What did you say?" was all it said before it could talk no more.

#3, "Speak up! I can't hear you!" as it blew a bubble.

It was a gummy tree.

Losing their hearing and their voices, the berserk sharks all tried talking at once, but it was simply not happening. The shark then wrote in the sand,

"We'll get you, squinky."

"Someday, somehow."

"We'll follow you to the ends of the earth! Mark our...writings!"

Then, underlined, was, "WE WILL GET YOU!"

Guybrush merely smiled and boasted in his head all about his daring escape. The shark(s) had to wriggle back down into the water pretty quickly. There they circled, watching and waiting for when he would return to the sea. Like that was happening! Guybrush vowed then to keep out of the water, and (for some reason) that included bathing. Then, Guybrush closed his eyes, and dreamed his little dreamy dreams, which were about hippos and koalas and mermaids!

Hey, don't look at me, it's his dream. Ask him.

Part 3:
The who's hoot on Monkey Island

Chucky looked over the side of the cliff. Yes, this indeed was were he tied up Guybrush, but...where was he? Where was the rope? Were was the TREE? Looking out over the water, he spotted three shark fins swimming in perfect unison. They swam pretty quickly, they must've been angry. Or was it hungry? Though Chucky's reputation as "The Shark Whisperer" spread far and wide, from this distance he couldn't quite tell the creature's mood.

By pure chance, he looked down at the beach where Guybrush had spent the rest of the night. But not even there was his little brother. Instead, there was many a scuff mark and upturned sand, as well as odd- looking footprints. Though a slight amount of concern stirred in what was left of Chucky's heart, it was simply not enough to go looking for his relative. Maybe if there was a sign of 'Guybrush is Here,' or something, he might've then, but hey. The only reason Chucky had let Guybrush live as long as he has was only because his parents made him promise not to kill Guybrush...but if the sharks got him, or cannibals, or monkeys, or strange "accidents", or "horribly aimed" cannon-balls, well he just couldn't help that.

With a shrug, Chucky returned to his base and crew, oblivious to the fact that he was in a video game fic, and the heroes just don't die.

He was, however, getting annoyed of the film crew.

"Will you stop following me?!" and he punches the camera's lens, making us go to camera 2.

Camera guy (who will eventually be inside out,) "We're sorry, Chu-" Chucky glares at the camera guy, "Er-LeChuck sir, we're sorry, but we can't help but follow you! Just doing our job..."

"Well fine then. Here, do a documentary on my shoe." He tosses his shoe on the ground in front of the camera, and I would describe the horrible, terrible sight and smell of this wretched shoe, but I am too merciful. The camera crew, however, were not so lucky, for the laws of physics are not as nice as me. They all collapsed, bravely giving their consciousness to bring you, the reader, this important information!

We should probably build a wall for their sacrifice of nasal capacity...or something...nah.

So we go to camera 6 1/2.

Chucky walks up to his crew in their tent and wakes them all up at 3:00 in the morning. "GET UP YOU FILTHY, STINKING RAT-INFESTED COCKROACHES!" A few pirate dressed roaches riding rats looks up and salute.

"Aye-aye sire!" They say, in their tiny roach voices.

Chucky looks at them, then at the camera, then at them. He grabs the rat-riding roaches and throws them at the camera. They slowly slide down the screen all splatted. "Ouch!" they cry.

Relax, they survive nukes, they're fine.

A hand wipes off the stuff on the lens to reveal an unfortunate sailor being dragged out of the tent by Chucky by his well- shampooed hair, ripping out most of it. He was thrown outside the tent, cursing in French and attempting to fix his style where the rest of the crew awaited their captain's orders. One of the crewmen, who was particularly nice, mentioned that if he was captain, he'd let them sleep in until 8:30. Most of the crew logged this away in the 'interesting stuff' file in their heads. Chucky, however, known to his crew as 'LeChuck' (duh) had special hearing when it comes to mutiny. He approached that certain sailor all menacing like, and said in his 'I'm a serious pirate, and gosh darn it I'm evil too!' voice, which was about the same as always.

"You little maggot! If any of you even think of mutiny, I'll hang your bloody carcasses by your ears! I'll strangle you with your own gizzards! Then I'll make you all my undead slaves for all eternity!" He turned away from the now cowering and 'yessir-ing pirates,' bent over the pirate who was dragged out earlier, and says, "Now boys, I'm not so bad, am I? After all, I'm going to make each of us rich as kings! And I'll finally prove myself to Elaine!" All the pirates go, 'awww, how sweet.'

Then LeChuck once again grabbed that poor pirate by the hair and stood him up. "BUT I'LL BE DARNED BEFORE I LET ONE OF YOU PATHETIC WORMS MESS UP MY CHANCES WITH THE WOMAN I LOVE! After all, love is the strongest force in the universe!" He points a sword at the pirate's throat. "Say, 'yes captain, sir.'" To which all the pirates in the crew replied,

"YES CAPTAIN, SIR!"

The poor pirate LeChuck was holding up by the well-groomed hair on his head...suddenly drops to the ground, leaving LeChuck with a hand full of luxurious strands., and the pirate bald.

"Ow 'orbile! I knew I should 'ave used 'extra strength' conditioner! Why did not I listen?! WHY?!" wails the now bald pirate who then breaks down and cries.

He looks down at the pirate a moment. "...RIGHT! Let's shovel off then." Handing each of them a shovel, LeChuck leads his pirate crew off into the jungles of monkey island. Most of the camera guys are trying to revive their passed-out buddies, but somehow we all manage to see what happens next...

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE TREETOPS OF MONKEY ISLAND:

"No, please don't lock me in the closet again! I swear I didn't move your teddy-bear, Chucky..." Guybrush mumbles, then is jarred just enough to be slightly awake. He was hearing something...what was that sound? He didn't know. Maybe he should open his eyes? Well, that usually leads to something bad, but what the heck, you can always try again, right?

He opens his eyes to see another pair of really big yellow eyes without any whites and enormous pupils. Re-shutting his own eyes again, Guybrush decides staying asleep was a better idea. He curls into a small Guybrush ball and attempts to fall back asleep, and was about to succeed when strange, sort of whistling, fairly deep female voice asked, "Aren't you Guybrush Threepwood? Hoot hoot?"

Not moving, a muscle, Guybrush replies, "I am not, you lie! I'm a sleeping log, go away." The creature before him pondered for a second, then replied,

"Well that's too bad. I was looking for a human to give this nice, big bowl of fruit to. I guess I'll have to throw it away now, so sad. Hoot..."

Having been at sea for an entire day with nothing to eat but...well, I'll spare you the details, Guybrush gets up, and says, "Well, I can see there's no pulling the log over your...great, big, yellow, round eyes...I am in fact Guybrush Threepwood." He grabs the fruit and starts chowing down. "*chomp* How *munch* did you know? *gulp* Does my reputation as a dashing cabin-boy precede me so?"

The giant owl, for that's indeed what she was, complete with leafy crown, flowery robes and nifty staff, looks from side to side for a second, then replies, "Uh...yes? Hoot hoot?"

"Wow, really? There's a first! I mean, you must be honored to have me here."

"I am indeed, Threepwood. These are my people, the peace-loving, tree hugging tribe of the Wise Ones." With her wings, she motions across the treetops where there are great, big, decorated nests with owl people doing all sorts of owl stuff. Owl kids playing tag, owl adults talking, owl people flying, and old owl people telling stories. It's all very neat.

"With open feathers I do greet the fabled being who will bring our people to a new home." She bows her head to him. "I am called Skryla. Thank you for coming."

"Open feathers, that's cute. Wait, did you say I'm a fabled person who's gonna bring you guys to a new home?"

"I did indeed, Guybrush. How else would I know your name?"

"I thought you heard of my dashing-ness?"

"Oh, well...that too! But you're also a fabled hero, Guybrush! Hoot hoot!"

"You can say that again...o.k. where did you get the idea I'm a legendary hero?"

"Why from your statue here! Come, let me show you." She flies up, grabs Guybrush by the shoulders with her talons and flies off.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" screamed the fabled hero.

MEANWHILE...AGAIN, SOMEWHERE ON THE GROUND OF MONKEY ISLAND:

LeChuck studies the map in his hands with all his studying might. He really is putting a lot of effort into this, sweating and mumbling and working that brain pretty hard and all. Yech! LeChuck working out. Gross!

Suddenly, he points dramatically to the ground below him. "HERE! We dig HERE!" The entire crew frantically start digging in the spot that was so dramatically pointed to, while LeChuck studies the map from a different angle...

"No, wait, it's...over there!" The crew all get up out of their newly created holes and start digging at the new spot.

"No, no hang on..."

"Erm, mossieur LeChuck?" (This is the pirate thrown around by his hair earlier.)

"Hey, that's not a bad look for you, sailor!"

"Eh, merci mossieur, I think...but me and the men, see-"

"You mean, 'the men and I.'"

"Pardone mua sir, the men and I were wondering if we could...take a break?"

"Mmmm...let-me-think-about-it-no."

"...Oui...sir..."

"And teach them all to speak properly! I want the finest-speaking crew in the tri-island area!" One of LeChuck's many prides in himself was that he could always speak much better than any other pirate he ran into, making winning at insult games a lot easier.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute...it looks like we dig over there, men! Come on, hop to it now!"

Looks like it will take a while before they find any treasure at all. Let's get back to the other Threepwood.

Guybrush falls down onto the ground in a beautiful clearing full of flowers and sunlight. He gets up, quite a bit shaken, and asks a tree if it was his mother. Skryla does a ten-point landing next to him and smoothes out her feathers. Guybrush wakes himself from his stupor, and is about to say something to her, when she pulls her spear seemingly out of nowhere.

"Hey, how did you do that?"

"I can show you, fabled one, if you wish to know. Hoot." She ruffles her feathers a bit with the pride of passing knowledge onto a man of such high honor.

"Yeah, that would really come in handy! Imagine what I could hide in my pants! Maybe even a duck! Wow, a whole duck..."

At this point, Skryla is starting to look at the 'hero' a bit funny. Why is he so excited over all this? Oh well, prophecies are prophecies after all.

"I mean, a whole duck! I-..." he falls silent at the sight of the statue before him. It was...him. Made entirely out of wood, it was indeed, a great, big Guybrush statue! "How-what-huh? That's what I look like? That?! Wow, I am good-looking! Jeez! No wonder Chucky was so jealous! Who wouldn't be?! I'D be jealous! WOW! I had no idea!" Skryla is now giving Guybrush a very confused look, and once in a while uttering a confused 'hoot?'

"I can't believe it! (hoot?) My whole life, Chucky was calling me ugly, and now I see he was just fooling around! (hoot?) Man, could I use this to my advantage! (hoot...)Now, to work on my voice-"

"Threepwood? If you would, please-"

Guybrush is working on his 'picking up wenches' voice. "Hey-ahem-hey, babay...no...wait,"

"Guybrush? Hoot?"

"Hey, sweet thang, lookin' to see what I can fit in my pants?"

"Fabled one?"

"A duck!" (What were you thinking?)

"THREEPWOOD!"

Startled, he spins around to face her.

"Yipe! Don't do that, please! I've been through a lot lately..."

"So have we, great one. Hoot." Skryla was pretty miffed. Guybrush decided not to upset a bird who can lift him up so easily and probably ate things about the size of a moose.

Preening a few of her feathers in a most refined manner, Skryla faced Guybrush with a most serious owl expression.

"I could not help but hear you mention the one named 'Chucky.' Is this one also known by...the pirate LeChuck?"

"Yeah, everyone but me and the narrator call him LeChuck." Skryla shudders at the name.

"Hoot...he is the one who would bring about a terrible curse upon our fair island..."

"Aw, my brother? He wouldn't do that."

I think it is high time I take advantage of my narrating a cartoon. Skryla does a double take, her jaw drops to the ground, and she does the classic eye-bulge-with-car-horn expression. Done by a professional cartoon. Do not attempt.

"Le-Le...LeChuck is your brother?!"

Confused, Guybrush replies, "Well, yeah. In fact he let me come along on this trip to find the treasure of this island. Then, he let me dangle for hours above sharks before I made my daring and exciting escape...wanna hear about it? I'm a great story teller! It all started when-"

"Wait," she interrupts, holding up a wing, "I've...already heard this one."

"Really? Wow, word travels fast!"

"Well, we are a bunch of birds, hoot hoot." once again proudly poofing up her feathers.

"So...what's the big whoop (ha ha) about my brother being my brother?"

Looking a bit nervous, Skryla shifts from talon to talon. How would she explain this to him? She wasn't sure, but he seems to like, no, love, the one who would bring about destruction! What should she say? How would she say it? Well, she could put it into context...

"Well, uh, you see, fabled one, there's this friend of mine, who's sort of...evil..."

"Uh-huh..."

"And, er, hoot...well, even though we are friends, their being evil basically...makes the friendship obsolete, no matter how much we care for each other. Good and bad simply don't mix."

"..." Guybrush had that glaze in his eyes.

"Guybrush? Guybrush, are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh, well, yes...but I don't follow you."

She would have to be more direct. "Hmm...well, there's someone you know, who you care about very much-"

"My pet hedgehog, Sonic?"

"...No. Someone else."

"My math teacher, Ms. Automaton?"

"Closer, but not there."

"Hmm...nope, can't think of anyone."

"Oy...Guybrush, it's about LeChuck."

"Hee hee, yeah, we're good friends. We used to play sword fighting together, and he would always win, and then he'd...make me eat mud, but it was still lotsa fun! And we had this dog named Spike, and he trained him to pretend to growl at me and stuff, and sometimes he would bite me really hard, but he was only kidding...um...is there a point to this? Because I hate stories without a point, and if I don't have a point, I sort of babble on and on and stuff, but...what were we talking about again?"

Skryla didn't understand it. O.K, so she got the information and she was able to perceive the situation well enough, but what flew over her head (Ha ha, get it? She's a bird, and it flew over her head? Get it? Huh? Do you?! Alright, you do. Huzzah!) was the fact that Guybrush was this hero who, she had been told since she was a baby hatchling, was smart and brave and fluent in owl speech as well as able to hold his breath for quite some time...so, why did he not see the great big thing about his brother being LeChuck, the doomy one?

"Guybrush..." she began, "this...will be hard for you to understand, please don't be angry..."

"Is this going to take a while? 'Cuz I'd love to help your people out and everything, but I do have to get back to my brother and his crew before they leave without me..."

"No, see, well...sir, your brother is mean, cruel, selfish-"

"Aw come on, it's not that bad-"

"Cold-hearted, sneakiest, dirtiest, most foul-"

"Hey, woah, calm down, he's only a little bit-"

"Evil, treacherous monster to ever, ever show his horrid face to the sky!"

Silence. He blinks at her.

"...So...what are you saying exactly?"

"That LeChuck, your sibling, is pure evil."

Somewhere in his mind, Threepwood's brain started to work just a bit. It was only a few turns of a wheel, a few cogs in a machine, but slowly, he started to fathom what she was talking about.

"If you mean the smell, you get used to it after a while..."

Skryla was at a complete loss. Was this some sort of spell cast upon this poor creature? Was it some sort of child trauma that blinded him of the truth? Or was it...Skryla thought seriously for a moment. She had always been taught that of all the forces in creation and all the emotions ever expressed, anything felt by anyone or anything, that love and peace were the best and most powerful.

Most powerful alright, she was bearing witness to that. But best? Guybrush, out of pure sibling love, could not and would not see the evil things his brother had done in spite and hate. What good would come of a love for something so foul, so sinister? And, on top of all that...to be shown the object of your admiration is nothing but a two-timing lunatic...would crush an almost pitifully sweet person like Guybrush.

"Skryla? Are you alright?" This brought Skryla crashing back to the task at hand. It was gonna suck.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd better get going! I think that's them right below us!"

"Guybrush...there is something I must show you first..." She brings him over to the statue with her wing.

"The statue? Oh yes, still very impressive, but it's getting on to about dinner time and-"

"No, read the plaque."

"Eh? Oh, I didn't see that! Heh, what a knucklehead I am!" Skryla just looked away.

Guybrush was a bit confused. Why had this story taken such a serious turn? Why had the birds stopped chirping? Why had the air taken on an ominous tinge? Oh wait, that was his fault. No baths, remember?

So, brushing all observations aside as usual, Guybrush read the plaque that would change his view of life forever.

"Guybrush Threepwood, the Great One (that's me! :) will come unto this island filled with monkeys, and, here he will also rid the world of the foulest scum ever to be created, (pond scum?) his...brother,(?) LeChuck...at...least...once. Wait, what..." At last, it hit him. Turning onto this bird creature, whom he now perceived to be really, really mean, he said to her with a fire in his eyes, "You want ME to KILL my own BROTHER?!"

Skryla could only barely make herself look him in the eye. This was her moment of truth. If shelooked away now, she might let down her entire race. Still, it was FLIPPEN hard!

"Do you understand that your telling me to murder my idol?! I want to be like my brother, not bop him off! Are you insane?! Oh-oh wait!" He said, holding up his hands, "I already know! Of course you are! Because only an INSANE person would call my brother stupid names, tell me he hates me, then say I was this 'fabled one' (he mimicked her with utmost cruelty not too unlike the object of this debate, and caused super-mega-ouchiness) who was supposed to-not just hurt him, not take his place, to kill, to MURDER him! What do you have to say for yourself, you CRAZY owl THING?!"

"Guybrush." The coolness in her voice stunned him into silence. Maybe insults weren't his thing...

"To you I have only one thing to say." She continued. "Look, down there. Gaze upon he you so love and trust, and see him for what he truly is.

I have utmost faith you will understand what I mean."

Quite taken aback by this owl's immunity to all that verbal bashing, he could only think to obey. So he looked. And he saw Chucky and his crew...following his orders to dig and carry loads of sand on pain of torture, or death, or worse. Miserable pirates without a choice and without hope. 'How...' he thought, 'how did I miss this?'

He kept on watching, and he saw that one particularly nice pirate, who looked like he had a back problem, come up to LeChuck.

"Sir? This may be a stupid question-"

"Well they all are, you miserable screwball."

"...Right. If I may ask another stupid question then, what happened to Guybrush Threepwood?"

LeChuck looked confused for a second. "Who? Oh, right, Guybrush. What do you think happened? I fed him to the sharks, you saw it yourself! Wow, that tops most of your stupid questions right there, buddy. Heh, your so stupid, your brain is-"

"Well I was only asking because it seems to me that you guys always come out of tough scrapes like that perfectly fine."

LeChuck glared at the pirate with a look usually reserved for when Guybrush told on him to their parents.

"First of all, never, EVER interrupt me when I insult you, you pitiful excuse for a dog. Second, my younger, guh, *shudders* sibling, couldn't make toast if his life depended on it!"

Needless to say, this seriously hurt Guybrush. 'Is...he joking? He can't mean that-'

"Ha, he couldn't even tie his own shoelaces! So I fed them to the sharks! Haha, I kill myself! Ha...," as he wipes away a laughter- induced tear, "But seriously, I never liked my younger brother. Ever. Understand?" The pirate didn't have much choice but to listen and nod his head in understanding. At least his back would get a break as LeChuck spoke of his favorite subject, himself and his feelings about the rest of the world. "A cruel, mean-hearted scum bag such as myself is shamed to be seen with such a lame, pathetic little sissy boy! I hated every minute of it! Always, 'Hey big bro! Let's go play!' or, 'Hey Chucky! *shudders again* How 'bout we go on a walk and do something lame, like throw rivers in a stream! Or play tag? Or catch butterflies!' OH it made me SICK! He's so...so...

"Innocent?"

"I was going for kind-hearted, but that's a good one."

We see Threepwood about at the edge of tears. LeChuck, loving his own voice (even if he won't admit it), goes on... "That little shrimp! Always asking me to play games with him! He didn't even notice I always bent the ruled to make me win! That moron! I took advantage of his every step, every move, every breath, and he would still, if he were still alive, jump in a pit of lava if he thought it would make me happy! Oh, can you understand the pain, the utter torture of having a lost puppy like that as a brother, instead of a mean, nasty, cut-throat like me? Why did the fates give me a genetically mutated brat like him as a sibling? Why?! Oh, if only Guybrush were to somehow pop up right here in front of me..."

Guybrush looks up at this, not wanting to know yet wanting to know at the same time (you know that feeling?) what LeChuck had to say to this.

"You know what I would do, baldy?"

"What, sir?" asks the almost asleep sailor.

"I ...would tie him to a chair, let the some hungry rats eat his flesh for a while, cut apart that disgustingly CUTE face of his, rip his head off, stick it on a pike, and tell him that screaming all the reasons he likes having me as his brother would make me happy. And he would do it, too!" At this...really, really, really, REALLY nasty thought, LeChuck bursts into laughter so hard, he falls on the ground and almost cries.

But a guy like that doesn't cry. All that salt is used for shriveling up their hearts.

Good-guys, on the other hand, they cry a lot, you've noticed. But, for some reason, Guybrush wasn't about to cry. The only thing showing any emotion at that point was one little drop on his face, but other than that, he was basically frozen to the spot. Concerned, Skryla approaches him.

"Guybrush?" Silence. "Guybrush? Are you alright? I..." "Hm? What?" he asks, wiping away the last tear LeChuck would make him cry. "Are.you ok? Should we sit down and talk? I'm here for you." "What for? Oh, that whole LeChuck who was my idol and now I find he's really the scum of the earth, not deserving even to think? Nah, I'm over it." "Wh-what? Wait, I thought you'd be really upset and angry. Are you sure you're alright?"

"My mother once told me something that I've remembered ever since LeChuck threw me in a ditch and ran me over with his bike. Heh...he made me tell her it was a killer mime..."

"And...what did she tell you?" asked the fairly frightened Skryla, questioning his sanity at the same time.

"Don't get mad, get even." Guybrush said, a determined look on his face. "Let's.get.even."

Part 4:
The bigger the machine, the better the business.

Skryla stood over the voodoo Pot o' Sight, and, using her neat owl staff, she mixes up a green-ish mixture in the cauldron. As she does so, the cauldron takes on all the colors of the trees...mostly brown. She starts chanting,

"Bubble bubble, toil and trouble.

How do we turn LeChuck into rubble?

We beseech thee, oh pot of pots,

How do we make his flesh and stuff rot?"

The cauldron reveals a talking...skull? Who speaks in a most unpleasant manner,

"Will you stop that annoying rhyming? It's giving me a headache, I need to watch my bone structure! Now, who do you want me to do some serious eeevil on again?"

Guybrush gets closer to the cauldron and looks at what's inside. "Is...that a talking skull?

"Eh? What? Hey, who are you? Is he the wimp you were telling me about earlier?"

At this Skryla is given a class-A Guybrush glare. Skryla looks nervous for a minute and replies, "Er, no Bob, this is the *wink* fabled hero *wink* I was telling you about. Can we get on with this? I'll feed you those cheese squigglies later..."

"Mmm, cheese squigglies..." says Guybrush.

"Oh, wait, this is the guy who's gonna make LeChuck buy an e- ticket to the carnival in the sky, isn't he?! No WAY am I telling you how to do that. Nuh-uh. Can't make me do it. Nope. No siree-Murray. No."

Skryla tries her best to coax the skull into revealing the necessary information, but to no avail. Guybrush was getting fed up, so he grabs the pot, gives and gives it a great big rattle.

"H-h-h-ey, what're you doing? Stop that!"

"If you don't tell me where to find this thing to destroy LeChuck, I'm gonna spill you out on the floor and leave you for the seagulls!"

"Ha!" Shouts back the unmoved disembodied one. "I'm immortal! No matter what, I live on! Besides, you puny human thing you, I've already lost my skin, why would seagulls peck at me?"

Guybrush looks to Skryla for an answer. She shrugs, out of ideas. Then, Guybrush sees the bag of cheese squigglies and holds it above the skull.

"Oh, is that cheesy puffs I smell? Mm, gimmie!"

"Nope, not until you show me how to kill LeChuck."

"Aw COME on! I'm not going to beg you! You don't deserve to be begged by the likes of me, BOB, the MEAN SKULL!"

"Oh? Well it so happens that these are my favorite food..." as he grabs a cheese squiggly (whatever those are...) and threatens to eat it.

The skulls...er, sockets, widen in surprise. "You wouldn't do that! I haven't eaten in three years!"

"Oh, wouldn't I?" he takes a lick.

"Nooo! Not my cheesy puffs! Spare my only source of calcium, fortified flavor and added evil!"

"I'm about to eat it!"

"No!"

"I'm getting closer to eating it!"

"NO!"

"Lookout, here comes the choo-choo train! Choo-choo!"

"NOOO! Don't eat it! I HATE watching people eat food! I get all jealous. Have mercy on me, mighty evil one! I like your shirt anyway. Here," says Bob, holding up a fine gold chain in his mouth. "You can have this golden necklace, it holds the key to the super-mega-ultra-deluxe model of voodoo pain, found only in the deepest, darkest recesses of those evil caves at the base of Monkey Island. Offer lasts only while supplies last, all restrictions apply, results may vary. Voodoo is not for everyone, consult your shaman before taking voodoo. Side affects may include, but are not limited to; nausea, extreme anxiety, depression, shame, curses, hair/limbs falling out, loss of senses, paranoia, extreme vomiting, sexual side effects, death and mega death."

"...Thanks." Guybrush reaches in and grabs the necklace. A bit disgusted by the green slime along with it, but undeterred, he shoves it in his pants, leaving no visible side effects of it's existence."

"I have trained you well, Threepwood." Says a proudly fluffing owl lady.

"Right, right, talk all you want, but give my those cheesy puffs!"

Guybrush dumps the chees squigglies into Bob's pot, fully aware that they were very, very stale. The skull floats around, nibbling on them like a fish...for a bout three seconds. "OW! My one and only remaining organic tooth! Now I need another metal one! You slime bucket! I'm gonna curse you so bad! You will forever be cute and cuddly! Your life will be nothing but endless puzzles and meaningless tasks! You shall always be horrendously skinny! Your breath shall offend people when you wake up! Your-hey, neat! It comes with a toy!" The now highly satisfied skull plays with his new toy- a yellow sea sponge with an annoying laugh. (Don't get me wrong, I love that cartoon, I really do!) Bob immediately sets to work trying to mimic this laughter, while Skryla leads Guybrush outside the nest.

"That was well played, fabled one."

"Thanks..." he replies, but looks a bit upset.

"Hm? What is it?"

"Well...I don't much like to exploit people, I know how it feels. But, it would seem that I must to meet my own desires...Aw, heck, I'll only do it for this one quest, just this once! Then I'm off the stuff for good!" Guybrush looks very resolved and pleased with himself, doing that cartoony beam-of-light-'cuz-I'm-so-good. Skryla looks at the camera, then cocks her head to the side at a ninety-degree angle.

"Hoot?"

The narrator, unable to resist the questioning 'hoot' ('cuz it was pretty darn adorable!) whispers to Skryla, "Don't tell him, he's going to be using that skill the rest of his days. But don't worry, he will remain the good- guy. He is too innocent to be corrupted with this power."

"Oh, ok then. Guybrush?"

"Hm?"

"Let us go...to the temple of no return...faxes."

"Right next to the island of lost luggage, socks, glasses and contact lenses?"

"No, but about as bad."

"Oh boy. Good thing I already lost my shoes..." "Need some new ones?" "Yeah! Have any?" "Yes. Let me get you some." "You're so nice." "Hoot." Says a flattered owl. "Wait, why would an owl person have shoes?" "Hoot? I dunno, it's in the script."

ELSEWHERE, AT THAT MOMENT:

LeChuck was very busy, getting a tan and being fanned by an electric leaf, holding one of those reflecty-thingies and wearing , I must admit, very cool shades. "With rays like this, I'll be tan in no time flat!...Or...does time travel in loops?"

His brain frying now more than his skin, he decides not to be bothered with an actually captivating concept and get back to the fic.

Just then a pirate ran up to LeChuck. Trying to catch his breath, the pirate gasped, "Sir...LeChuck sir...we've spotted...spotted a-"

"Come on, out with it."

"We've...spotted a..."

"Well?"

"...We've spotted a man being carried off by a flock of enormous birds-"

"So? Watch out for birds then, and avoid the sunscreen, they like that stuff." (Why do you think there are so many seagulls at the beach?)

"Yes sir, captain LeChuck sir, but that wasn't the important part."

"What was it then? Your making me waste precious energy keeping my eyes open to look at you!"

"Sir, the man was screaming the whole way in a most un-pirate fashion."

"...And...this matters...because...?"

"...Captain...he was screaming like a little girl."

"...?" The captain stares blankly at him.

"Like...someone we once knew?"

"..."

"Like your..."(Still nothing?) The pirate tries his best to get LeChuck to make the conclusion and say the line. "You know...your little brother...Guybrush? The main character?"

"I thought I was the main character!"

"Well people today like the nice ones, sir...didn't you get the memo?"

"No, no one tells me anything! Arrr! Damn him! He's probably headed for the treasure of Monkey Island! He wants it all for himself!...I guess I am rubbing off him, just a little. We must follow him! Get the men ready!"

"Sir, I think we may have already found something worth an awful lot, maybe you should take a look?"

"No way! The only thing worth while is what he's after. If we find my brother, we find the treasure. Get it? Got it? Good! NOW GO, BEFORE I RIP YOUR EARS OFF!"

Standing up straight, shaking and saluting the pirate replies, "Y-Y-Y-ES CAPTAIN LECHUCK, SIR!" LeChuck watches him run off in fear, then starts to get ready (taking off his glasses, revealing a bandit-mask of a tan line) and says to himself,

"Ahh...it's so good to be evil...but what I really want to do is direct."

The pirate rushes back to the crew, who were busy digging up a zeppelin (blimp) made of cotton candy with the words, 'Property of Health Nazi Carnival co.' as it's title. "Guys! Captain's orders! Leave this thing- whatever it is-and move out!" Almost no one was too pleased to hear they were about to give up on their newly-found treasure to follow their captain's brother (whom they did favor over LeChuck, but not by much) and probably to do more hours of back-breaking labor.

There was one particularly short pirate, however, who would gladly seize this opportunity to suck up to LeChuck and hopefully get promoted from toilet-brusher to right-hand man. Yes, he has finally shown up! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Largo LeGrande! Huzzah!

Largo, knowing the men would want to at least wait out the night, walked up to speak to LeChuck. Having always been taught by his father to take anything and everything while the getting is good, Largo found it was particularly easy to formulate a plan that would get him fame and the rest of the crew mangled, if not killed...or worse.

LeChuck smelled him before he saw him, and, turning to Largo, asked him what he wanted.

"You smelly sea-serpent! Why don't you go clean up more toilets instead of bothering me?"

"Well if you mean your mouth, I suggest you do it, because I can't get close enough!"

"WHAT?! I've killed hordes of men for saying less than that!"

"How? Did they see that picture of your mother?"

"You're a horse-faced maggot!"

"Whoa, I know you like animals like that, man, but your coming on a little strong for me!"

"Ooh, good one!" LeChuck was actually impressed! Finally, someone with the guts to stand up and insult him back! This was a first, and he was starting to think this could be the beginning of something really, really sinister...which is a good thing in his book. But first, one last test...

"If your smell didn't get to me so much, I might promote you. But, too bad. Oh well. Guess you'll have to be content mopping up the waste of those taller than you forever."

"I have the map to where your brother is going."

"...Largo LeGrande? Your a two-timing pathetic little worm who would sell out his own shipmates to get a bit of fame and gold. Your father would have been proud!"

"He was! Those were his last words before I ripped his lungs out!"

The two evil ones burst into laughter at this, and both made a solemn vow two try to usurp, abandon and swindle each other till murder do they part.

Birds of a feather.

SPEAKING OF BIRDS...

It's getting darker by the minute as we join our hero once more. The entire flock is gathered around the entrance of...The Temple of No Return Faxes! Spooky! Or at least Guybrush thought so. He is held above the temple by two of the owl people (which looks like a giant copy machine...somehow) shaking in his pants (and brand new really nice shoes too!).

Skryla attempts to comfort the legendary hero. "Guybrush, the prophecies foretell of you easily getting through this temple all in one piece! Relax!"

Actually, they foretold that part about a guy in a leather jacket with a whip. But Skryla had to say something, he looked like he would faint any moment!

"Fabled one, hero of our people, to complete your task you will need three things before you leave the temple. You mist find the Holy Fighting Llama, the Clown of Suffering, and the Mighty Penguin of Wrath. With these alone will you be able to get the super-mega-ultra-deluxe model voodoo item of pain and defeat LeChuck, saving our people and giving us a new place to live all at once!...Somehow.

I have utmost faith in you, Guybrush! Our god's be with you! Oh, and one more thing..." Skryla pulls a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle out of nowhere and gives it to Guybrush who, being held up by his arms, holds onto it with his teeth.

"Wha's thish for?" asks the dangling hero.

"To protect you from the unholy monkeys, of course!"

"UM-HO-WY MOM-KIES?!"

"...Well, the same to you. Goodbye Guybrush! Till we meet again!"

"MMM!!!"

"Release him into the temple!"

"MMMMMmmmmmmmm!!!..."

The giant copy machine's lights blink and light up, then print out a great, big flier about Stan's Home buyer's services inc. All the owl's, extremely pleased with this, all line up to take read the flier, and immediately forgot about their fabled hero.

Part 5:
Mutiny, blasphemy, and other such goings-on.

It was a dark, moonless night on Monkey Island. Most of the monkeys had left on their boats, and the cannibals had won their war by default, so it was also very quite.

Dark and quiet. Just the kind of night to put a bloodthirsty cur such as Largo at ease. He smoothly walked in to the main tent where most of the crew were up tending each-other's wounds and exchanging stories about their scars. But, when Largo walked in, they all shut up. (Except one who, swinging from a rope tied to the ceiling, rammed his head into the wall and slid down, unconscious.)

"Hey guys." Largo coolly said, bringing up a chair to the table and sitting down. He was anything but welcome here. A mighty buff and tattooed pirate walked up and stood menacingly in front of him, looking him right in the eyes (he had to bend over).

"Your kind isn't welcome here, shorty pants." said the huge pirate, merely re-stating what was previously written by yours truly. Man, you just can't keep your own material these days...

"Well now, my exceedingly needle-happy friend, why might that be? My incredible good looks? Because I assure you, a little tobacco grease goes a long way-"

"Can it!" yells the buff one, slamming down his fist.

"We saw you talking to LeChuck up there!" Says a skinny, knife wielding sailor relaxing in his bunk.

"You two seemed awfully friendly." states a pirate clad in black, his hat much too big for his head.

As these pirates and the rest of the crew closed in on him, Largo simply stood his seat, seemingly unmoved whatsoever by this mass of angry human males of strikingly low caliber (who were still able to find Largo evil enough to kill.)

"Now now, let's not be hasty, gentlemen, I have a proposal to make."

"Oh really now?" asks the knifey guy. "So do I-it's about this little double-crossing shrimp who gets gutted like a fish!"

"Men, I truly do think you should listen to me. I was merely toying with him to keep him from suspecting the deal I'm about to propose! Come on, only a moron would think I meant a word I said up there!"

This crew, not exactly being of the highest percents in their class, were then trying to look their best at, 'Well we were just kidding...' or 'Of course! I knew it all along!'. But mostly it was 'I'm a stupid pirate who believes a smooth talking snake like Largo long enough for him to screw us all over.'

Largo had them right where he wanted them. After one strike, it was all over. Largo convinced the crew to take off while he and LeChuck went up the mountain after Guybrush. He said the reason he would stay on the island was to make sure they all got away safely. What a good friend!

After the pirates decided to play some music in celebration of their new plan and electing that particularly nice pirate as their new captain, Largo walked away from the now doomed pirates and chuckled to himself at the thought of their demise, and whistled the death march as he walked down the pathway with an added spring in his step.

This was a pretty good day after all.

...AT ANOTHER LOCATION DIFFERENT FROM WHERE WE WERE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME...

Guybrush fell through the hellish inter-workings of the Temple of No Return Faxes, and, as expected, screamed the whole way down.

What was unexpected was he...landed in a bunch of furry pillows. He stands up instantly, still pumped full of adrenaline, spits out the rubber chicken in his mouth and looks around.

He was in a very nicely furnished room, rare woods used to make the furniture and walls, all highly polished, and chandeliers that looked extremely expensive. "Well this is nice..." he said to no one in particular. (Or so he thought! Muahahaha!)

Suddenly, Guybrush lost his footing and fell down. He stood up again, almost as quickly as kids run from big, costumed people in theme parks, only without the screaming for once.

"What the...hey!" Guybrush then realized that the "furry pillows" that had broken his fall were moving...

Our wide-eyed hero said the first thing that came to his mind, "Holy furshliggin spatulas, Robot man!" Strangely appropriate, except the 'Robot man' part.

The pillows were in fact, demon monkeys from a place so foul, so sinister, so utterly gross, that people wretch when they hear it's name! (Which I'm about to tell you! You're so lucky!) As the demon monkeys closed in on him, Guybrush realized these were none other than the primates from...THE HAPPY CHUG BOX! OH THE HORRER! It was only the most horrid fast- food slime bucket ever to be created!

The monkeys got closer and closer, wearing those horrible work clothes, their faces loaded with pimples! Their fur covered in grease! And that wasn't the worst part! The worst part was...they were wielding...PORCELAIN KIDDY TOYS!

And now you know. Now you all know why Guybrush fears and hates that dreaded clay stuff so much. Every time he sees one of those dolls with humongous eyes, or a vase, or anything else made of porcelain, he sees visions of the horrible Happy Chug Box monkeys.

Thinking quickly, 'monkeys-chug-box-grease-porcelain-oh- someone-save-me-please-porcelain-the-horrible-horrible-porcelain-chicken!', our hero whips out that rubber chicken!

The monkeys realize this is the warrior of prophecies foretold. They stand in shock for one moment, staring. Guybrush thinks he may have actually won this one! Huzzah! "Ah-hah! You horrid fiends have met your match! And that is I, the mighty Guybrush Threepwood and his chicken!"

The monkeys looked at each other for a moment. Then they all turn to grin at him, menacingly, with stangely long, sharp, and also grease- covered teeth!

"Uh-oh..."

The monkeys all begin to morph! They grow wings, longer claws, spikes on their tails! And now they are about to bash in the protagonist's head in with even more disgustingly CUTE dolls of porcelain! All at once, they make a cry so demonic that our hero is forced to cover his ear from;

"WELCOME TO HAPPY CHUG BOX! CAN WE TAKE YOUR ORDER, LITTLE BOY?!"

Guybrush stands there a moment...and the monkeys lunge! They get him down! They tear him apart! Fur flying! Teeth snarling! Poisoned grease oozing everywhere! But wait, how can this be? Hey! No death in my story! Not yet anyway...

The monkeys realize...they had only been attacking each other! What a neat trick! Where is our hero? (The camera looks around as well as the monkeys for Guybrush. The camera looks up and sees him hanging from the chandelier by the rubber chicken.) Oh, there he is! Wow, Threepwood! That was impressive!

"Shh! You'll give me away!"

Oh, sorry...hey monkeys? He's not anywhere in here. Nope. And definitely not up in the chandelier. No way.

All the monkeys look up and start flying around Guybrush, who has just enough time to glare at the camera before he is swarmed by the monkeys...

Woops. Sorry!

Trying to fend off the little primate demons, Guybrush strikes again and again with his rubber chicken, knocking a few of them away, but they keep coming! By pure chance, (or is it?) he hits a candle, which falls over and starts to burn the rope holding the chandelier up. It starts to give way, with obvious losses of support and massive swinging.

Guybrush, recognizing this from that whole tree thing, looks up at the failing rope. Putting two and seventeen together, and before the monkeys could completely rip up his finely tailored clothes, Guybrush starts the chandelier swinging as hard as he can, hoping as hard as he can hope that he could pull this off...

The rope broke! The chandelier fell! It flew towards the doorway at the end of the hall! The monkeys screamed! Guybrush screamed! And jumped- ...!

Guybrush flew out the other end of the hallway, the chandelier exploding on impact! (What? All chandeliers explode! Didn't you know that?) Guybrush does a classic action-hero slow-motion 'N-O-O-O-O-O!!!' away from the explosion, which claimed all the 'lives' of those fiendish Happy Chug Box demon monkeys...the smell of their grease combined with the rubber chicken baking in the flames offending any virtuous nosey. And, being in a closed room, one could not breathe in much else.

Guybrush, being a fairy virtuous guy, gags on the fumes.

"C-can't...breathe!" His eyes stinging from the stench, his face going blue from the lack of air, Guybrush grabs his throat and passes out.

Guybrush's spirit floats above his body. He's all see through and pasty white. He wakes up in his new form, and looks around for a minute. "Cool! I've lost 10 pounds! Oh wait, I've lost...all...my pounds. Oh boy." he turns to face the camera. "Kids, being this light is not worth it. Great. Now what?"

IN ANOTHER LOCATION A FEW MOMENTS AGO:

We join our NOT hero, LeChuck, as he and Largo climb up the cliff to reach the Temple of No Return Faxes...they don't seem to be in a hurry. That or they're just lousy climbers.

"Largo! Put your stinking back into it already!"

"I would, but that would make your fat butt jealous!"

'Now why couldn't he have been my brother?' questions an annoyed LeChuck. "Well said. Here, help me up."

Largo reaches a small outcropping and stands up for a second, then bends down and gives LeChuck a hand. LeChuck grabs it, and pulls him down so hard, that Largo looses his footing and is now dangling by his grip on LeChuck.

"Yeah, I'm so jealous! Ha, you should see your face right now, panic- stricken and white as a sheet! I wonder if your too much of a wimp to let live..."

"I'm afraid I have the map, sir, and you seem too busy right now to get it from me."

LeChuck, understanding this, throws Largo up onto the outcropping and he lands on his face, breaking his nose and making it bleed profusely. LeChuck gets up and laughs at him for a minute, then gets a puzzled expression on his face and looks around for something...

"Where's the rest of my crew?"

'You just noticed?' Thought a bitterly angry Largo. "I have no idea...wait...isn't that our ship, sailing away out there?"

LeChuck squints to focus better, and sees...that it is indeed their ship!

"AAARRGH! CURSE THEIR TREACHEROUS BONES! I'll have all their heads yet! I swear I'll-" LeChuck was cut off (Huzzah!) by an explosion above them.

Rocks fly, dust flutters about, all stuff necessary in an explosion in a temple in a mountain, complete with a flying, flaming demon monkey!

The fiendish, and now thoroughly -cooked primate lands at the feet of Largo. The creature doesn't move at all. He's only sleeping, after all.

LeChuck blocks Largo from picking up the burnt little monster. He looks up at the sky, sniffs the air for a moment, and says, "Heh, seems my little brother got his hands on some explosive...furniture? No...dandruff? Diamonds?...A chandelier! No wonder! Those things pack a wallop!"

Largo looks at LeChuck even more confused than before. Chandeliers?

"Umb, sir? *sniff* I was wonbering what the planb is?"

"Heh, the planb, is to make sure my little brother doesn't get that treasure and meets an unfortunate accident, then we are going to wring the necks of every crewman on board our commandeered vessel."

"How will we *sniff* do that, captainb?"

"Well get a ship and kill them all. Duh. Come now, LeGrande, use that bleeding head of yours! Hahahha! Bleeding head! Ha...oh I am so funny." LeChuck starts up the cliff again, but Largo pauses to look at the monkey for a minute. He kicks it off the cliff, leaving a mega-scuff mark on his well-polished boots. He tries to wipe it off, but the stuff starts eating away at his boot, hissing and getting all green and bubbly. He freaks out, kicking and trying to get it off, when the boot evil teeth, wings and red eyes, then bites him on the head. Largo runs around screaming, and LeChuck just points and laughs.

DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? MEANWHILE!:

The body of Guybrush remains where it was, and his spectral form is asleep on a chair. The whole room is covered in dust from the explosion, but it doesn't matter much to Guybrush anymore, he didn't need to breathe right now...despite the fact that he's snoring. Don't ask me how.

A soft, yellow light shines on our hero's face. A kind voice calls out, "Guybrush...Guybrush, wake up..." This stirs the ghosty guy to rub his eyes a bit and look around. "Guybrush Threepwood, it's only been 5 minutes since you entered here."

"Sorry, mom, I'm getting dressed..." Guybrush attempts to get up, but falls on the floor.

"Guybrush, come on, let's get up and at 'em, big fella! Hop to it!"

"Eh? Wait...your-"

"A llama. Yes, I am the holy ninja llama. Bow to me."

"Oh, ok." Guybrush kneels down and puts his arms out on the floor, then...starts snoring again.

"..." The glowing holy llama gathers some of the mist floating around her and creates a mega-phone. Delicately, she goes 'ahem', and says into it, "GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD GETUP NOW!!!" The sheer force of the mega-phone causes him to fly across the room and into the wall. He gets up, suddenly alert and seemingly unharmed.

"What-where-who-huh? Hey, you can talk too! Neat. Things tend to do that here..."

"Actually they don't, but we do have an interesting history of this island. Would you like to hear it?"

"Eh, history always puts me to sleep."

"Never-mind then. Come, Guybrush. Follow me."

"Can I ride you?" This was greeted by a llama glare. "I'll take that as a 'yes!'"

Guybrush leaps onto the alarmed holy llama, who, through protests and reasoning, but mostly wild bucking, tries to "coax" Guybrush off her back. Guybrush can't be shaken off, he had the grip of an angry poodle. The llama can't help but notice this.

"Hey...your pretty good!"

"Yeah, I have an amazing sense of balance! Watch this!" Guybrush gets up and stands on the back of the llama and actually stays on. The llama is quite taken with this, and stops bucking with Guybrush still standing on her back only now more triumphant.

"Give up? Gimme all your ninja llama secrets!"

"Well, there is first the stance...stand like a llama, Guybrush."

"Like a llama?" Guybrush attempts to stand like a llama, which made him loosen his grip...which was what she was waiting for.

In his moment of weakness, the ninja llama cries, "HiYA!" and send Guybrush flying at a portrait of a clown. This terrified our hero, for the prospect of being flung at a rock solid wall with the face of a clown was only appealing to people who were impervious to pain. So, Guybrush shields his head, expecting a horrible crunch, when he looks at the camera and says, "Now wait a minute, I'm out of my body! I'm not gonna get hur-"

And Guybrush slams into the wall with serious, however un-lethal pain.

A clown comes out of the portrait and squirts the crumpled-up Guybrush, then honks a horn in a most annoying fashion. "Hiya, howdy, hello there! I'm Circus de Soul! The ghost clown of pain and torment. You've already met my friend, Karata, the ninja llama." Honk-honk.

Trying to shield his ears from the noises of the clown who had indeed earned his title, Guybrush gets up on wobbly legs. "Are you always this annoying?"

The clown gets real close and puts his horn up to Guybrush's ear. HONK- HONK.

"Ah! Ouch!"

"Why yeeeees, Guybrush! I'm the clown of pain and torment? Remember? Knock knock, is anyone in there?" He hit Guybrush's head twice and now opened his head by grabbing his ear and pulling both sides apart, and shouted inside. "HELLOOOOOO???" The clown hops away from our now nearly deaf and shaking little guy, and floats over by Karata.

"I...I...I think I lost my sense of balance...Alright you two, where's the third?"

The ghost people look at each other in confusion. The clown once again honks his horn and asks, "What third?"

Karata is equally befuddled. "Third? Third what?"

Guybrush if officially annoyed. "The third. One of you. The Penguin of Wrath?!"

Both spectral figures gasp at this name.

"Well?! I want to get this over with! Quite fooling around!"

"Guybrush..." begins Karata.

The clown leans in to finish Karata's statement. "He's not here no more!" Hon-honk. "He's gone to-" Guybrush grabs the clown's horn, stuffs in one of those things that make a 'moo' sound if you hold it upside down (ya know?) through many a 'squeak' and half a 'moo,' then, satisfied, gives it back to Circus. "Gone to..." Moo. "Gone...away to...you broke my horn, Guybrush..."

The clown is actually speechless for a moment, giving his ghosty ears a moment of peace.

"Ahh...nice and quiet. Ok, so your telling me that the Penguin has gone off somewhere?"

Karata, seeing the clown in a state of shock, replies, "Well, not exactly...you see, he sort of...turned into a mini statue of himself." She motions with her llama head at a pedestal behind her, with a really cute penguin guy on it.

Guybrush walks up to it and gets a closer look. "Awww...wait, This is the final key to finding the ultra-mega-whatever-blah-blah voodoo item of pain?"

"Oh, is that why we're here, Circus?"

"He...broke it..." Moo.

Once again a bit miffed, Guybrush asks these two...people, while getting a migraine, "You...don't even know why you're here? Do you have any idea how to get an item of extreme pain with this necklace?"

Karata looks baffled by what Guybrush asks of him. "What?"

"The super-mega-ultra-deluxe model voodoo item of pain ? Do you have it? Do you know what it is?"

"Oh!" A sudden understanding! "You want the voodoo deluxe model! Of course I know about it! Heh, Guybrush, you card you. Why didn't you just say so? Here, you take that necklace you have and you have your talisman of course- "

"Wait, what talisman?"

"The talisman? You need it to complete the necklace?" Guybrush only offered her a blank stare. "*sigh* Then look for one! You need it! Anyway, once completed, to shoot the spell, spin the talisman three times and then utter the words Iloccorb, Hcanips, Iloivar. Now say it with me-"

Suddenly Guybrush thought of something. "Wait, how long have I been unconscious?"

"About 12 minutes. Why?"

"OH NO!" Guybrush could only hold his breathe for 10 minutes! What if he was stuck like this?! "I'm out of air! I need to wake up!"

"Oh, Circus could help you, but..."

"Ooohhh..." groaned the tortured main character. Is revenge worth it? Mmm...yes.

Gubrush grabs the crying clown's horn, pulls the mooing thing out of it and gives it back to Circus de Soul.

Circus does a cartoon light-up of 'I'm all better now!' HONK! HONK! "Alright, boys and girls! Are we ready to have some fun?!"

"Make me wake up! I'm dying here!"

The clown looks rather sad at this. "Aww, but you could stay here with us!" Honk-honk!

"NO! WAKE ME UP NOW!"

"Or else what? You'll kill me?" Honk-honk!

"Arrgh!" Pulling his hair, Guybrush kneels down and simmers in his increasing amount of super-stress. You can actually see the smoke coming off his head. Yeep!

Karata looks at the clown. "Let him go, or I'll never make you a jack-in- the-box pizza ever again. That clear, Bozo?"

"NO! Not my pizza! Ok, Guybrush, I'll wake ya up, but we could've had a whooole lotta fun! Hu-hyuk!" Honk-HOOOOONK!!!

The final honk was so exceedingly loud, Guybrush could swear he saw the room crumbling around him! All he could see was this bright yellow light coming closer and closer till it was all he could see...

Coughing and sputtering and choking and carrying on, Guybrush was brought back to the real world and a splitting headache. And what was with the light? It hurt his eyes to look at-

Wait, this room was closed off. Why was there light? He looked around for a minute and saw that some of the wall had crumbled away, to reveal the bright full moon above. (Wait, it was moonless last night.?)

A full moon? What time is it? Guybrush got up and dusted himself off, and seeing that most of his threads were torn, discarded his once-nice coat. All he had now was a white shirt and black, slightly tattered pants.

Guybrush had a feeling he should be remembering something...what was it? He couldn't remember. He looked around some more, feeling some of the dust covered furniture with his hands, when he felt something cold and metallic.

It was a bronze llama lamp. Hmm...and a clown doll beside it. Were these here before? He couldn't remember. He had taken a blow to the head when he fell, wait-something about a hotdog! No, a penguin! Like...that mini statue there!

Guybrush stumbled over to the statue, wondering what happened to the sense of balance he had always bragged about. He took a good look at it...but nothing was coming back to him. Cute statue though.

Absently, Guybrush leans on the statue, making the penguin mouth open. A bit startled, Guybrush took a 'please don't kill me!' stance, but nothing happened. Inside the penguin's mouth was a keyhole...but a key to what?

Looking at the camera and shrugging, Guybrush decides to get out of here.

Just as he's turning to leave, he hears a 'Honk!' This makes him jump about 3 feet in the air, but when he regains himself, he sees that the clown doll had merely fallen off behind the dresser. So, Guybrush reaches down and picks up the clown. When he moved it, however, he sees the doll had landed on a small box.

Putting the clown back onto the dresser, Guybrush examines the box. It has a glass top and the words 'Break glass in case you need a talisman for revenge on your brother for an evil voodoo curse'. Hmm, oddly specific...

So Guybrush tries to break the glass, with all his Guybrush might! He tries throwing it against rocks, bashing it on the floor, hitting it with his head, all to no avail.

Then, he tries something a bit less obvious. He opens the latch and glares at the camera for all the pain it caused for no reason. Hey, that's life!

He picks up the key, attaches it to the necklace, drops the box which still doesn't break, and walks over to the penguin statue. He places the key in the lock and looks very pleased with himself.

...Nothing happens. How truly exciting this is.

Guybrush gives it a kick. Still nothing. He turns the key...the engine revs up then dies. He looks around, wondering what weird machinery is working, then he turns it again, harder. Almost there...but not quite. One more time! Guybrush turns the key as hard as he can and...IT LIVES!!!

Above the penguin a glass dome slowly comes down around it, and there is an impressive light show of sparks and fire and smoke around the talisman. After a few minutes, Guybrush gets up from the ground (where he had been 'hiding') and takes the now-glowing talisman.

Just then, the wall behind him crumbles! Freedom! Oh wait, it's the guy who cleans the toilets. Why is he wearing only one boot? (It makes him comparably shorter.)

"Threepwood! We've finally caught you!"

"Eh...did not?"

"Ooh, nice comeback. You have the face of an aardvark!"

"Yeah well, you-hey, did you hit your nose or something? It's at an angle to the left."

"Grrr, why you little-"

"You're calling ME little?"

When did Guybrush develop a back bone? Oh well, it was about to be broken anyway! Cracking his knuckles and snarling, (and limping on his bootless foot) he advances on Guybrush.

"Stay back," Guybrush warns. "I have the super-mega-ultra-deluxe model voodoo item of pain right here! And I'm not afraid to use it!" This wouldn't be an empty threat if he only could remember how to use it! "...few, man you need to take a shower."

"So, you've found it for us, have you little brother?" Guybrush didn't need to guess who it was that had just come down through the hole in the ceiling. It was obviously a monk. No, wait...

"LeChuck!" he squeaked, then cleared his throat. "Heh, well...you've uh, spared me the trouble of finding you..." Guybrush was slowly backing towards the penguin statue, trying to find something, anything he could chuck at LeChuck (hee) to make his escape.

"I...have this voodoo thing, don't c-come any closer!" He had found a button, and without much else to think of, pressed it.

Largo looked pleased with the situation. "Lost your nerve, Throopweed? What's wrong? Afraid of having close family ties?"

"Watch it." says LeChuck who bops him hard on the head. "Threekwood is my last name too, and don't you forget it!"

"Oh...sorry, sir." Largo replies, not trying to hide the sarcasm.

LeChuck didn't seem to care. "Well, well, little Guybrush. How cute. Trying to make off with our treasure, which we agreed to share between us? Now that's not very nice at all, is it?"

"It's not your treasure, it's my voodoo curse! Which I'm gonna use to make you hurt a lot, you back-stabbing, self-righteous, egotistical, lame- brained-"

This shocked LeChuck. Since when had he learned all these words? And wasn't he supposed to be all like a lame puppy? He didn't know his younger sibling to pull stunts like this. Weird.

"-Stupid lowlife who's brain capacity makes a squirrel look like he can own the planet! LeChuck?! I...I don't like you very much. In fact, I hate you. A lot. I reeeeeally do! Because your.a bed-wetting doody- head!"

"Ooh, well I can't argue with that, Guy. I think I'll have to break my promise to our parents and kill you myself...so I can hear you beg for mercy!"

LeChuck, with an evil grin, advances towards Guybrush. O_O "Yeep!" Guybrush bravely cries. Thinking quickly, he hides behind the penguin statue. LeChuck sees it, and now it was his turn to freak! "AHHH! Penguin! Guybrush, you little.eh, sneak!" "Heh.l-lost your vocabulary, bug brother?" mocks the cowering Guybrush from behind the statue. "Your too afraid of penguins to take another step!" "Ooh, you horrid little.uh.punk! You.I.uh.aw, toothpaste." As much as he hated to admit it, and as much as he wanted to destroy Guybrush, that penguin statue with it's terrible gaze of penguin-ness did indeed freeze him to the spot. "HA! YOU LOSE! I WIN! I ACTUALLY WIN THIS TIME! HA! TAKE THAT! I-." It was then that the penguin statue decided to sink into the pedestal holding it up. The now unprotected Guybrush looks at the camera. "Kids? If you ever find a button on a penguin voodoo statue and it's the only thing standing between you and total destruction.DON'T PRESS IT!" "Good advice." LeChuck punches Guybrush so hard he flies into the wall.that happens a lot with this character, huh? Oh, and the voodoo talisman he worked so hard for.fell out of his pocket in front of Largo. LeChuck leaps at our poor pirate wanna-be, a cloud of smoke and cartoony stars and stuff coming from the brawl, Guybrush trying his darndest to escape. Largo cheers on LeChuck for a minute, then sees the talisman and picks it up. "Hey, this is interesting.I'll just take this and." he turns to leave. A momentary pause in the fight shows LeChuck holding Guybrush's arms up from behind, Guybrush waving and flapping his arms in an amusing fashion. "Where do you think your going?" Wow, pure evil and a multi-tasker! What a guy. He's still single girls! Don't let him pass you by! "I was just.uh.getting.this.for.you. Safe keeping. Yeah." LeChuck glares at him all serious for a moment. "Oh, alright then." Our hero pleads with the villain in a high-pitched whine. "Lemme go! Lemme gooo! Come on, man! I was only joking.in a serious way.that's no reason to kill me!" "Every reason is a good one to kill you, Guybrush! I'm surprised you don't know that by now. Now hold still, I saw this trick on a movie once!" "Yeep!" Cries the blonde one. Is this the end?.you wish.

Part 6:
Super-mega-ultra-deluxe model curse.

"Waaaahh!" sobs Guybrush, "I can't believe I went through all that, just to lose to your stupid arm-hold move!" "Didn't you figure it out yet? I always win! I'm LeChuck!"

"And I'm Largo!" Both look at him all confused. "Sorry, please continue."

"Heehee, I finally get to break your neck! I'm so happy right now.Largo, take a picture!"

Guybrush thought of something-the box! He could still break it! But how.

"I can't, I don't have a camera."

He sees the llama lamp and tries to reach it with his foot.

"Well find one!"

Just a little farther.

".Right. Like there's a camera here."

Got it! Guybrush had it perfectly balanced on his foot, and.remembered his sense of balance had been lost. Woops! The lamp falls.dead on target! *smash!* A green voodoo smoke floats up out of the box and hovers in front of his nose.

"Er.well.I guess I'll just have to make this a LeChuck's memories moment then." Guybrush is trying really hard to get away from the smoke, making pathetic, whiney noises while he's at it, annoying LeChuck.

"Guybrush, would you PLEASE stop-.?" LeChuck falls silent as he sees that Guybrush had broken the box lid (finally). The voodoo stuff floats up a bit, and shoots LeChuck so hard he lets go of Guybrush and writhes in pain in the corner, screaming. This is why you shouldn't smoke.

Guybrush gets up. "Woo! That was exciting! Now you!" He turns to an 'innocently leaving' Largo. "Gimme back my voodoo thingy. It's a deluxe model, I want it back!"

Largo holds up the voodoo talisman. "Oh, you mean this mega-super-ultra- voodoo cursing talisman?"

"It's a super-mega-ultra-deluxe model, and yes. I'm in no mood to fool around, so hurry up before I bash your crooked nose in."

"Mmm, no.I don't think so. I think I'll kill you instead."

"Ha! Too bad you don't know how to use it!"

"Oh really? Too bad I read the manual!"

"The manual?! That's so cheap! No fair! No one reads the manual!"

"I did, in my spare time between toilet cleanings. I read it in the mirrors.

Guybrush blinks a minute at Largo. "You read in the mirror?"

"I'm highly dyslexic. Now say goodbye, you pencil-necked freak!" He holds the voodoo talisman in the air, spins it three times and says, "Ravioli, Spinach, Broccoli!" (Look up, those are the words you chant, only backwards. I'm so clever.)

A green beam shoots from the talisman, flies at the once again cowering Guybrush, stops an inch in front of his face, turns around, and flies back at Largo.

"What the he-oof!" The green beam smashes into him, making him lose his grip on the talisman, which Guybrush neatly catches. Largo flies off a few feet, stops in mid air, then is thrown up and down, hitting the ceiling and the floor multiple times.

"Wow!" Is about all Guybrush can say.

Largo stops his plummeting, is shaken in all directions for a bit, then is spun around so fast he burrows into the ground. "Luke, I am your cousin's mother's friend's uncle's great-great grandfather's roommate! So what does that make us?" He asks a bemused Guybrush.

Dear reader, let me tell you something about villains. Largo, being the stinking rat that he is, cannot simply be left in the ground and not be tortured in some hideous way. Nope. Instead.

The ground around LeGrande starts to glow in a green, voodoo sort of way. Largo looks around, fairly alarmed at this, then is shot up like a rocket, his pants on fire, out of the cave and into the midnight Monkey Island sky. Guybrush looks through the hole he just flew threw, tears in his eyes, and salutes as the green, flaming pants glow lights up the night.

Out on the sea, some distance from the boat that was now ruled by fairly decent pirates, was that one French, bald pirate, rowing away in a life boat, mumbling to himself.

"Those foul-smelling weenie-dogs! They would not know who should be captain of a ship if they beet them on the nosey! I'll get my own crew! We shall be the scourge of the eight and a half seas! Hey, my beautiful hair is starting to grow! HA! I am invincible!.eh? What is."

Looking up, the pirate sees the flaming fire-ball that is LeChuck's right- hand man, billowing smoke and brimstone, hurtling towards him. Screaming like a girl, he tries to row away, but Largo lands on the edge of the ship anyway, causing a the row boat to catapult him so fast he skips off the waters edge like a stone.into his destiny and another story.

Largo LeGrande, however, gets eaten by a fish, which gets eaten by another fish, which gets eaten by a giant squid (never before caught on tape!) which then gets eaten by a very lost sperm whale. Also another story.

Back to Guybrush. After meeting his urge to salute to the green ball of evil in the sky, he turns to the camera.

"Wow, what an adventure! Am I just about done? Can I get paid? Huh? Can I? Please?"

Not yet, Guybrush.

"Ooooh, spoot! Hey, wait.I get the feeling.I should be paying attention to something." Guybrush looks around a moment, and realizes his relative is .standing there just fine? (Not in an attractive way, of course.)

"Yeep! Oh no! I-wait, what did that voodoo smoke stuff do?"

"Arr, it did nothin' ta me, ya sea cucumber! I be un-touchable by the likes of...eh...my...words..."

"HA! You lost your good speakiness!" mocks the comparably articulate Guybrush.

"What?! Nay! It cannot be so! I are the bestest talker in the...big...blue wet thing...uh..."

"The sea? Heheh."

"Um...yes. Guybrush Ulysses Threepwood, I'm a-gonna murder you badly! And it's...going...to hurt. Much. Arr! I can no longer say what I mean deep down inside my...er...what's that one thing that pumps the red stuff?"

"Heart?"

"Yeah. Toothpaste! This aren't good. How will I insult the peoples? How will I...think...correct? Will I ever be able to write...rhyming...words...ever again? Nooo! You're so...so..."

"The man!"

"Right! I mean no! Arr! I hate ye! Get prepared for a taste of yer own...vaccine!"

"Right. What are you going to hit me with? I have the voodoo..." Guybrush searches his pants, and pulls out an air freshener. Then a sling shot, then a hand grenade, then a lollipop...

"Sheesh, where did I get all this stuff?"

"Be ya lookin fer this?" asks a quickly-losing-his-vocabulary LeChuck, who holds up the talisman.

"Hey! How did you get that from over there?"

"What? Ya mean ya didn't read that there big-book about voodoo necklace things?"

" You mean the manual? No, I have a life."

"Which ya'r about ta lose, ya...ya...YOU!"

"Ooh, that's a big word. I'm impressed. You sure showed me. Well, I'm off then...be seeing you!" Guybrush turns to exit, something he should have done some time ago.

"Not so quickly! Iloivar, Hcanips, Iloccorb!"

"Fudge bunnies!" Guybrush dodges the red beam shot from the talisman and leaps out the hole in the wall. The beam stops, turns around, and follows him out.

"Har har har! Oy, my laugh..." LeChuck runs after them to see the action. "I have ye now, skipper!"

Running/falling down the cliff as fast as he can go, Guybrush speeds through the dark jungles of Monkey Island, the beam tailing close behind him. LeChuck isn't far behind either. This is normally a time Guybrush would be screaming his head off, but he had learned to save his breath for running instead. Huzzah! A learning curve at last! With this slight amount of blood correctly running to his brain, Guybrush got an idea. One that just might save him from this whole deal. Not the one he made with Lucas Arts, that could never be broken. This was for the deal with LeChuck and that voodoo beam chasing him.

Guybrush got a fiendish grin on his face.which, despite his efforts, looked cute on him anyway. He took a sharp turn towards a clearing in a field of flowers, the beam taking a while to fully turn after him. He led the beam all the way to the top of the hill.where Guybrush's statue was standing.

Guybrush got up to the good-looking piece of wood and dove behind it.

Guybrush's idea was good. The execution, bad. Very bad.

The beam zoomed through the jungle, zipped up the hill into the clearing, and, er, 'saw' the Guybrush statue, laughed evilly (?) and smashed into it with all it's voodoo might.

The problem with his idea was-he was standing right below a statue that just got hit with a super voodoo curse. And the inevitable happened. It exploded. Big time! In fact, you'd just about say it was a super-mega-ultra- deluxe model of a ka-boom. No really, you would!

The blast was so deluxe in fact, it had the force of a hurricane gone postal. Blasting trees in all directions, the 120-pound hero was no match for this mega-blast. Literally flying through the air, Guybrush clamored to get a hold of something, anything, to stop his mad free-fall. He grabbed a tree-another bad idea-which stretched (?) really, really far out.

Guybrush realized this was a rubber tree, and thought for one moment that maybe this one would be his friend.

Sure.

The tree lost it's root-hold on the ground, and snapped in the air like a rubber band, smacking Guybrush full-force. This had about the effect of when you hit someone with a wet towel, only hard and tree-sized. Ouch. Plus the ants weren't a nice feature.

Itching like mad from his new hitch-hikers, and in extreme pain from our friend the happy tree back there, Guybrush thought the ocean's waters that was getting closer and closer at an alarming speed would give him a bit of comfort. Need I say it? Not happening.

The well-built and last monkey ship to leave Monkey Island, called the Sea Monkey, was sailing as best it could to sail away from the island in this sudden super-storm. The captain monkey, wearing a captain hat and looking very dignified, was shouting orders at his obedient monkey crew.

"Ooh ooh ah! Eek! Eek! Oop ah ack! Chee!" Translated: 'You there! Get the sails down! You! Make ready the lifeboats just in case! And you! Scratch my back! My fleas are killing me!'

Their only human passenger, a human named Horatio T. Marley, walked up to the captain and asked, "Sir! Though I am grateful for your trying to rescue me, should I go back for my friend? He seemed suicidal! Should I panic now or later?! Sir!"

Guybrush then smashed into the main mast, slid down it into a barrel, which just happened to be the loose board that Horatio was unfortunately standing on, causing the see-saw effect of Horatio being sent flying back in the direction of Monkey Island, his new home for the next few years.

I hope that answered his question.

The shock of the winds stopped as suddenly as they started, leaving the island wrecked, the waves a bit choppy, and everyone pretty confused, and the sky really empty.

The monkeys, in this sudden calm, decide to inspect their new passenger.

"Ooh ap ook chee!" 'Look! A barrel of human! Let's play with it!'

The cramped Guybrush inside the barrel can only squeak, "Oh boy."

By the remains of the statue, (being basically a crater) LeChuck reads the 'Voodoo n' Things you Should Know About' manual. He flips through the pages some, mumbling to himself as he tries to find a certain spell.

"Let's see thar.hangnails gone horribly wrong.how to grow a puppy-dog tail.how to herd snails for fun and profit.-aha!-How to create a horde of demon monkeys, fulfill a prophecy, and kill your would-be-hero little brother whom you hate very much all in one go. Hm. Oddly specific." He turns to the camera. "This voodoo stuff is something I could really get into! I think I'll take it up as a hobby.maybe start some voodoo circles even. Anyway, let's.get.evil!"

Chanting some funky voodoo stuff, and waving his hands over the book, LeChuck summons up lots and lots of the voodoo magic stored in the bowels of Monkey Island, causing the crater to glow a bright red. With a final word and gesture, causing the crater to shake violently, LeChuck jumps into the middle of it, spins around three times clucking like a chicken and turns (still a bit dizzy) to face the Sea Monkey, and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak!"

This causes a huge ray to shoot from the crater, LeChuck atop it, and fly far into the sky.

On the deck of the Sea Monkey, the noble crew of primates were kicking around a helpless Guybrush in a barrel. They were having a blast, Guybrush wasn't.

With the only thing he could get out of the barrel, his head, Guybrush pleaded his case to the unforgiving monkeys. "Help! Help! I'm gonna hurl again.ouch! Watch it, you little piece of-"

With an earth-shattering screech, as if the air was being torn apart, the red beam is seen shooting from the earth into the clouds above. The beam itself was so bright, it caused everything the light touches to turn completely red. The monkeys and Guybrush all watch in utter inconceivable- ness.

After the beam from heck has faded, the monkeys once again return to tormenting our hero. They roll him from one side of the deck to the other, then thought it funny to put the barrel open-side down, so he was completely trapped inside. They were all hooting and howling and carrying on.

Until it started to rain.

From the limited amount Guybrush could see through the cracks, Guybrush observed that the monkeys were panicking and trying to shield themselves from the sudden down-pour. The captain was trying to keep order, to not much avail when-the brave monkey captain was struck with an orange bolt of lightning!

The monkeys, all in shock (haha) stopped their freaking out to behold the fate of their beloved captain. He was.just standing there.and he seemed fine.

"Uh-oh."

Hey! The first accurate statement from Guybrush all day!

The captain then screamed a horrible monkey scream! His cry hurt the ears of all those within the vessel, causing the monkeys and Guybrush to try to cover their ears from the pain.

The screaming went on...then began to warp into a multi-octave howl. Guybrush knew he heard it somewhere before.

The captain's warping voice wasn't the only thing to mess up. Writhing as if in pain, the monkey shook his head from side to side, an orange shock of electricity once in a while forcing the transformation along. The captain's shirt ripped, his hair became stiff and prickly, his claws became long and sharp, his face.full of pimples.

The final thing to happen to the small primate was for two huge, black wings to rip out of his back. All this happened in about 5 seconds.

Facing away from his horrified crew, the new, remodeled, captain stood up, now a foot taller than he was. One of the crew cautiously approached his officer.

".Eep?"

The newly-formed demon turned around so fast it was a blur, and shot the poor crew-monkey with another bolt of orange from his mouth! Then, just to make matters worse, the storm turned up the sea and rained down much harder than before.

Guybrush then recognized what the captain monkey had become! Holy fish- paste! It was now a demon monkey from the Happy Chug Box! The horror!

Too scared to move, Guybrush only watched as the captain in his new grease- covered uniform of horrid fast-food changed each and every one of his former crew into evil demon monkeys. Hoping this was all just an exceedingly looong nightmare, Guybrush curled into a ball and chanted to himself, "There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"

As soon as all the monkeys had become super-demons, they all turned to look at the talking barrel. Picking it up, it revealed a still-chanting ball of Guybrush. He looked up, seeing extremely sharp teeth, sharp claws, killer spatulas, and tons upon tons of grease, Guybrush decided that now was a good time to.faint.

Drooling at the sight of helpless prey, the Happy Chug Box monkeys slowly approached our fainted protagonist. Wasting no time.at all.they.were.about.to.pounce.when.

Suddenly a bright light shone in front of the demons, making them all freak out and run away for a moment. It was none other than the Ninja llama, Karata! Huzzah!

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" shouted the magic llama, bravely charging at the demon monkeys and scaring some overboard. She reared up on her hind legs in all her llama glory, gloating in her triumph.

"Circus! You wake Guybrush! I'll handle the monkeys!"

"Hyuk! Nooo problem, Karata!" replies the not-so-dearly-loved clown of pain and torment. Picking up the ill-fated and extremely pail Guybrush by his foot, the clown shakes Guybrush around, squishes him like an accordion and dances the polka, then whips Guybrush out like a towel so he's good as new. Sorta.

"Gerber fries! Gotta love 'em! Fresh and tasty!" states the woozy Guybrush, who stumbles around for a second then falls into the arms of the killer clown.

"Whoa there, silly goose! Let's just be friends!" HONK-HONK!

Guybrush gets up to the horribly annoying horn, and is instantly set to 'panic' mode. This includes pulling his hair, eyes bulging out, and screaming like a zombie who has just discovered soap.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" and so forth.

Circus de Soul whips out a cream pie and splatters Guybrush. This stops the panic mode, and makes Guybrush become randomly un-traumatized and finally wake up. He stands perfectly still as the pie falls off his face, glaring at the clown.

"Hellooooo there!" Honk-honk! "I was hoping you'd snap out of it, you little CUTIE pie! Hu-hyuk!" Honk-honk!

"Hey, Circus. Gimme your horn for one minute."

"No! MY horn!" the terrified clown whines, then hides behind Karata.

"Hey, llama lady. What's up?"

"Not much, Guybrush. Just saving your butt again. You just sit tight and relax, we'll take care of all the monkeys for you."

An ominous voice is heard from behind the good-guy trio.

"NOT SO.er.um."

"Fast?" all three ask in unison.

Honk.

"Yeah." LeChuck floats down to the deck, surrounded in a black cloud with more orange lightning coming from his fingertips.

"Who's about to wipe the deck with his own.red.organic.liquid stuff? You are! Yes you are! Come 'ere so I can kill ya, Guybrush."

LeChuck approaches them. Karata stands her ground. Circus.runs off. Guybrush is scared stiff.

"I-I-I-I.I was k-kinda hoping we could, you know, patch things up? Eheheh."

"I'll give ye plenty to patch up, you.um, scaredy.boy!" Powering up his orange-zappy-voodoo powers, LeChuck is about to throw a football of pain at Guybrush, when Circus comes up behind him, takes off his glove, inflates it to physically impossible proportions and starts rubbing it on LeChucks' head. LeChuck doesn't take to this much.

"Arrr! What the heck're ya doin?! Stop that! Yer makin' the electricity-!" Circus lifts up the glove, the static cling so great that LeChuck sticks to the glove, all his hair standing on end.

"AAAARRR! How be this possible?! Who are writing this stuff?! Make it stop!"

"Hu-hyuk!" The clown pops the balloon. Yellow daisies (which was apparently on the inside of the glove)flying everywhere. Two of which land on LeChuck's eyes, (somehow) blinding the pirate scourge. Circus also draws in those dizzy circles around his head, complete with sun spots and singing birds.

"Yarg! What be this yellow petel-vision spell?!" The evil one stumbles around a moment all dizzy. Karata sees LeChuck step on a board, which comes slightly loose from his extreme weight.

She looks up with an evil grin, then, rearing on her hind legs, turns around and pushes Guybrush with her hooves. Guybrush falls over onto the opposite end of the loose board, making LeChuck fly way up, into the crows nest and get tangled in the flag showing a monkey grinning with a thumbs up.

Wiping the accursed daisies from his eyes, LeChuck gets himself out of the monkey flag and shouts, "You posy-attacking pin-head! I'm gonna shock yer lights out!" With this, LeChuck attempts to summon up another zappy ball, but other than his hair suddenly gaining a considerable amount of volume, there is no effect.

"Wha-my electric.stuff! You broke it! You cur! No.eh, matter! * he whistles * Here demon monkeys! Come to LeChuck!"

Summoned by their master, the demon monkeys (who had all fallen off the ship) pulled themselves up by the life boats and whipped out their spatulas and porcelain in a menacing manner, all grinning their greasy grins.

Laughing his token evil laugh, LeCuck cries out to his minions, "Fight, my pretties! FIGHT!!!"

Karata turns to Circus. "Looks like we could use some help, Soully."

Honk-honk! "I concur! Let us pinch the heads of these silly doody-heads!"

With this, the two spectral beings used voodoo magic to make many fully- functioning forms of themselves. The demon monkeys growled! The llamas took ninja stances! The clowns honked their horns! Guybrush covered his ears!

They fight!

It's a battle to behold, alright! Spatula vs. hoof! Claws vs. pies! It is such a sight, I must say, that I'll just leave it to the imagination and save us a lot of money on special effects.

Guybrush attempts to climb back into the barrel he was in a few minutes ago, when LeChuck calls down to him.

"Guybrush!" he is barely heard over the lightning and rain of the storm. "Guybrush Threepwood! I challenge you to face me! Arrr! Let us end this forever!"

Guybrush looks up at LeChuck in the crows nest through the sheets of falling water. You'd think he'd cower. You'd think he'd run away. You' think he'd sit down and cry like he usually does. But, of all the things, Guybrush, our own little cowardly lion, grabs the rope ladder and starts climbing it to face his older brother!

"That's the spirit! HA! I never knew ye had it in ya! I thought ye'd ball like a baby, but I must say.I am most.erm.happy with this instead! Have at thee!"

And thus, here we are again. Guybrush tries to climb the rope ladder through a wretched storm, LeChuck trying to shoot at him with the voodoo talisman, llamas and clowns fighting with demon monkeys on the deck.

Part 7:
Guybrush kicks some fanny!

"And that's how it all happened." Says a still-flying-towards-space Guybrush. "Wow, as a character, I changed quite a bit!"

"No ya didn't! Yer still a.a."

"An amazing guy? A stud-myster? A hopelessly optimistic prodigy?"

"No, a stupid pencil-necked, pony-tailed, lame little punk kid who thinks, for some reason, that he can outdo me!"

"Hmm.what are you saying exactly?"

"Arrr! I'd hang ye from yer own intestines if I could only reach ya!" he tries to reach Guybrush, but is unable because he doesn't have anything to stand on. "Arrr.toothpaste!"

"Ha! Too bad you can't!" replies Guybrush, laying back and making a face.

"Well in case you haven't noticed, Mr. Fancy Pants, we're gonna both be chockin' from that there lack of air in the big.black.sparkly.void.up there. That we're still falling towards."

"What? This? This happens all the time! Sheesh, you've never fallen towards space before? Here, all you do is fix the lens so it's upright, like.so." Guybrush fixes the lens so that they reverse direction and fall towards the ground again. "There! No problem. See? I am a genius!"

"Explain this ta me then; Why are we the only things fallen and not the rest of the world?"

"Oh my-LeChuck, come ON, we were the only things it focused on! Duh!" "Well that's a nice CLEAN answer, i'nt it?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"There's only one more problem."

"Guybrush, we've been fallin fer so long listenin to yer hair-brained story that we'll die anyway! And I think I like the idea o' bein' chocked rather than bein' splatted like a.a."

"Pancake?"

"How can you think of breakfast at a time like this? We're about to be crushed like.like rocks, we are!"

Guybrush looks at the camera, then back at LeChuck. "Right.rocks. Hey, we're about to die, aren't we?"

" * Sigh * Ya finally noticed that, did ya? Ya really are a loon, Guy."

"Hey, I take that as a personal attack. Shouldn't we make amends before we bit the big one anyway? So we can go into the light?"

".The light? With yee? No way! I'M goin' away from wherever your goin', mark me!"

"Fine with me. See you never again!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

The two face away from each other, arms folded and very much in the sibling I-hate-you atmosphere.

Well.I guess.this is it. Camera guy?

"Yes?"

You're a credit to your profession. You will be missed.

"WHAT?! The story's over?! ALREADY?! But.but.aw, SHOELACE!"

"HOOOOOOOT!!!" something calls in the distance. Both Guybrush and LeChuck turn to look and see in the distance a brown thing flying towards them.

Both. "Huh?"

Skryla is flying towards them through the storm, using all her might to fight the fierce winds that would have torn a smaller bird apart. Finally, she gets to Guybrush and flies beside him.

"Hey! Skryla! I thought you forgot all about me!"

"No fabled one, I have not! I came to aid you!" "Oh, you RULE!"

"Hey, wait!" speaks the large pirate. "Don't I get any aid?"

Skryla and Guybrush look at each other.

"Us?" starts the giant owl. "Help you? The one who has brought a super-mega- ultra-deluxe model curse on our island! If our ancestors didn't see it coming, we'd be dead! And you want ME to save YOU?!"

"Well.yes?"

"Hmm.let-me-think-about-it-no."

Skryla grabs Guybrush by the shoulders and puts on the brakes. LeChuck (and the camera guy getting the footage) keep on hurtling towards their doom.

"Hey, guess what, LeChuck?" says the camera guy.

"Chicken butt?"

"No, I just remembered something!"

"Do I care?"

"I have a parachute! Later, loser! This is for turning me inside out!"

"WHAT?!"

The camera guy deploys his parachute, and joins Guybrush and Skryla in a nice, smooth, slow decent.

"Nice move, man!" says Guybrush, as he gives a thumbs-up.

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it?"

Well, we'd better see what happened to LeChuck.go to monkey cam.

A camera held by a well-trained monkey is viewing the deck of the ship. The llamas, clowns and monkeys are all still fighting each other in a duel to the death! Neat! We should put this on Discovery or something.

All animals cease their brawling when they notice the smell.following by the screaming of the horrible pirate falling towards them. They scramble to get out of the way and hit the deck!

CRASH! KA-BOOM!

The crash, being LeChuck's body, landed on the ship, going straight through to the lower deck with a splattering impact. The ka-boom would be the talisman breaking, and the voodoo spell sending shock waves of magic like a bomb.

In an instant, the monkeys are all turned back to normal, and are all unconscious. The llama and clown replicas disappear. The originals, Karata and Circus de Soul.have become a doll and lamp once more.

Skryla lets Guybrush down on the ship, and lands near him. The camera guy, also back to normal, lands near the main mast. It's still pouring rain, but the worst of the storm is over.

The worst of the storm, anyway.

"Well, goodbye, Guybrush. You really are a living legend!"

"Goodbye, Skryla! Thank you for catching me and putting me on a ship with a corpse and a bunch of monkeys. I'll never forget you."

"Nor I you, Fabled One." Skryla leans over and gives Guybrush a peck (haha) on the cheek. Guybrush holds a hand on his cheek as Skryla flies away. As soon as she's out of sight, he rubs the spot a ways harder, since it hurts to be kissed by a giant owl.

"Well guys," says Guybrush, addressing the audience and film crew, "It's been fun! Wow, I'm a mighty pirate now! I get to go back and show everyone this story! I don't have any treasure, or any proof, but they'll believe me anyway, I'm sure of it."

Deep in the ship's hull, we see the corpse of LeChuck.not a pretty sight. His lower half is sticking out of the wood, the rest submerged in the water below, and the hole is slowly leaking. Then, the body stirs. a white ghost hand grabs the floor and pulls out the rest of the spirit body.

"Wait, if the story's over, why are we still rolling?"

The hole left by the falling LeChuck now has some white smoke pour