The Curse of Monkey Island: Novelization
Chapter Six: Guybrush Kicks Butt Once Again
 

The car climbed to the very top of the mountain, then plummeted. Guybrush had the sickening sensation that he'd left most of his insides back on the top of the hill. And then, too late, he remembered that the car was bound for a river of lava at the bottom--he nerved himself to jump--   

--when the car suddenly switched tracks and cut to a third of its former speed, nearly pitching him out. It drove into a long tunnel lined with dioramas on stages, slowing as it passed them to give its occupants plenty of time to look. As soon as he saw one he recognized, he leaped out of the helpfully slowed car and onto the stage.   

It depicted Monkey Island as it had looked when he first arrived--three figures were present, Herman Toothrot, the hanging corpse of his late Captain, and a three-headed monkey. Toothrot and his Captain had been the first explorers other than the cannibals to find the island, and the monkey was his own entity. The figures were powered by LeChuck's tribe of enslaved monkeys and waved automatically at the passing cars. But none of them were Elaine.   

"Where are they?!" For that matter, where was he? This surely wasn't the roller coaster of death. But before he had any more time to wonder, half of his first question was answered--LeChuck came riding down the track.   

The zombie didn't jump out--rather he turned into a small ball of flame, looped through the air, and rematerialized himself on the stage in a giant fireball, nearly singeing Guybrush's nose. It was a very dramatic effect.   

"Elaine?" called the pirate. "Ah, Threepwood, 'tis only you. Have ye seen Elaine? She told me she was just goin' ta powder her nose and I haven't seen her since. I can't be believin' I fell for that one again!"   

So Elaine had managed to get away from him after all--but LeChuck still had him to torment. "Now stand still, boy, so I can flame-broil ye!"   

He posed with both hands in the air, encased in balls of fire--Guybrush braced himself to jump away--then set ablaze the ground under his enemy's tattered shoes. The mighty pirate leaped into the air with a cry of pain as the heat seared right through to the soles of his feet. The boards were still incredibly hot when he landed; he danced awkwardly in front of LeChuck, hopping from foot to foot, trying not to touch the ground at all. When the next car cruised up, he dived head-first into it, feet kicking in mid-air.   

He managed to right himself by the time the car reached the next diorama. This one was a ship with a crew of four--Captain Marley, Rum Rogers, Sr., Rapp Scallion, and young Lindy. At the feet of Rum Rogers were several small casks that appeared to be holding actual rum--if one of these came into contact with LeChuck's fiery breath, it would be explosive indeed. Guybrush took one and hid it under his vest.   

None too soon, for here came LeChuck. "Aaargh! You again?! If you've ridden me coaster, why haven't ye been boiled in me molten pool of lava?" Guybrush was wondering that himself. "Elaine must have fiddled with me controls and re-routed the tracks. Aye ..she'll be the death of me yet--I mean, again. But curses if I can't help but love the little woman." He had a gleam in his eye that boded ill for Guybrush. "Eat flaming death, Threepwood!"   

How had LeChuck learned how sensitive his feet were? He yelped as the zombie's attack eclipsed even the pain of setting foot on Brimstone Beach, and once again made an undignified escape in a passing car.   

Appropriately enough, the third diorama was LeChuck's torture chamber. He saw himself stretched on out a rack while the undead pirate waved goodbye, and a Dynamo-Monkeletric Wally hung over the pit of acid. He looked incredibly lifelike. On closer inspection, he realized that it really was Wally!   

"You can count on me, Wally" he told the whimpering prisoner. "Just as soon as I defeat LeChuck, save Elaine, set all the monkeys free, and ride the Madly Rotating Buccaneer, I'll come back and release you."   

And then--"Oh no, it's LeChuck!"   

"Aye, Threepwood. It be me, yer worst nightmare! You'll be sorry ye ever set foot on Monkey Island when I'm through with ye!"   

It was too late--he was already sorry. But LeChuck was having too much fun harrying him to stop now. He tried to stand his ground, but the demonic hotfoot was just too much to endure--again he had to dive into a passing car to escape the pain. It annoyed him a little (oddly) that the zombie was never really trying to kill him, just playing with him like a cat with a mouse, for the pure amusement of it. But that would be his undoing, because Guybrush had thought of a way to destroy him once again.  

The fourth scene was a snowy landscape--he passed it by. Then he came to the three-headed monkey's diorama again, and jumped out. Next to the corpse was a length of rope that would serve his purpose--he grabbed it and then caught the next car before LeChuck could find him again. He passed the ship diorama but got out at the torture chamber--there was a lamp there that still contained some lamp oil. He blew out the flame, took the flask, and was gone, leaving a few more words of reassurance for Wally.   

Now he explored the snowy landscape more closely--it was real snow, he found to his surprise, and it soothed his blistered feet. A path led up the side of a steep hill--at the very top was a giant snow-ape wearing a pirate hat, reaching up with one arm to seize a section of track. Every pirate's nightmare in the tropical Caribbean.   

The other arm of the ape was bent, leaving a gap between it and the ape's body. Perfect. He dribbled the lamp oil all over his piece of rope, stuck one end of it in the cask of rum, then wedged this in the crook of the monkey's arm, letting the other end hang down. He descended the trail again--the end of the fuse hung just behind him, at head level. Guybrush searched his pockets until his fingers encountered the pepper grinder. Ironically, LeChuck would touch off his own bomb.   

His source of flame arrived right on schedule. "LeChuck's back again!"   

"I'll be chasin' ye round this roller coaster 'til ye be my undead slave, Threepwood!"   

Not this time. LeChuck drew back, waving his hands inside their nimbuses of flame--and Guybrush blew a cloud of pepper in the zombie pirate's face.   

"Argh!" he began, then "ahh...ahhh...aaahhh....AHH CHOO!" The end of the rope caught fire--Guybrush dived into the nearest car--LeChuck finally looked up to see what he'd ignited--   

--and the bomb exploded. LeChuck raised his hands in a futile effort to protect himself as several tons of ice and snow avalanched down on top of him. Simultaneously, the entire mountain exploded--in the pyrotechnical brilliance of the aftermath, the skull-shaped cloud of green smoke that dissipated with an outraged "Aaaaargh!" almost went unnoticed. But Guybrush Threepwood saw it. So did Elaine Marley, helping him up out of the remains of his car. For a moment, all they could do was stand and watch the mountain burn.  
 

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